Dear Diary: Gem encrusted Gnomes

Garden Gnomes

Gem has the gull to bite because The Garden Gnomes protect them. They don’t allow the rose to feel offended. They are suitable for stopping you mid-rant to assure (warn) you, “It is how it is” and ask (demand) you to move on, ‘lest you be seen as a negative person.’ These small, gaudy lawn decorations morphed in arid, human flesh.  They rather keep the disgruntled peace than resolve uncomfortable issues by gatekeeping toxic behaviors to pass through the Kingdom of Passive Aggressive.  You can’t fault them; it’s stressful to keep up conflicts. However, why get more upset at the person being wronged than the one that is doing the wrong? Garden Gnomes instead, stand still with the elephant in the room than move gets it out of there. Garden Gnomes keep the scenery outwardly fun and quirky, like the real figurines people plop on their lawns. Sure, they want to make their house seem laid back, but the reality is, the house is one underhanded comment away from complete familial destruction.

Garden Gnomes are cautious at exposing their friendship with you for the world to see. On the one hand, they’re happy to add life to your plain exterior; on the other side, they’re embarrassed that it has to be your exterior. Garden Gnomes are excellent at being faceless saps in the face of honor. In a Garden variety gnome, they Heaven, hell, and everything in between forbids they’re ever in public with you, and they unexpectedly run into someone they respect more than you. That’s when you hear all the reasons (but the ones that are of friendship) why they’re out with a ‘person’ like you.  The real way you know how they feel about you is by the multitude of tones and evasive phrases they use in describing you depending on who is around. And as you know, anytime a garden gnome’s tone about you changes depending on who is around, you know they don’t like or care about you, but they like that you offer them things to talk about when you’re not around.

It never matters who is around when they create fake speeches about what you need to do with your life, and how they’re ‘here for you when you need anything offended This is only for the public, however. If and when you do make that call—the call they claimed they’re so happy to take—Garden Gomes end up planting themselves to take up a hefty amount of time centering themselves and their issues. By the time you get to around the reason why you called, they have to get off the line and go tend to more pressing matters.

Gem will always have asterisks by their way of accountability because Garden Gnomes refuse everything talk that might cause discomfort around them. The only thing comfortable for Garden Gnomes is the fraud they perpetrate to seem like a caring friend when all they really care about is having you around so they can thank the lucky stars they’re not you, or have any of the issues you told them in confidence.  Garden Gnomes generally believe it’s logical to make fun of someone they have zero interest in respecting, even though they give you the title as “friend.” Garden Gnomes set themselves up in your life the way the lawn ordainments do: To project fun when they’re not.

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Staged

Look at you. The laughs at a someone’s expense is one well-played sneaky hype for you. You don’t care what you do, say or feel. As long as you have an audience–that is all you’re looking for, an audience reacts to the character you play. You operate solely for the approval of others. Then again, you don’t know where self-satisfaction begins, and crowd-pleasing ends.

Things are less and less authentic about you as you move along this B-movie you called life. You know you’re a fake, and you secretly can’t stand it. So you use what “friends” have confided in you as entertainment for people who can care less about you. You’re right for a laugh, but never enough to be taken seriously. Now, look at you, you’re destroying real things for fake admiration.

You idolize a crowd that let you into their exciting life as long as you jump when they want to laugh as they tell you how high. You never had an issue going very low to get to what you think are societal highs.

I am sorry for you. Not because I hate you don’t see the person the others came to your stage performance to be, but because you are always headlining a concert no one wants tickets to, you promised one show, and gave whole new production. It never ceases to amaze me how you’re not tired of putting on a long, sad dance for an absent audience. Not the kind of song and dance we all play different characters of ourselves to a degree, especially when no one is looking. I believe that is the fault of authenticity in itself. No, you insist on embarrassing others for what they confide in you to the uninterested audience to shock them to look your way—anything to get people to laugh “with you.” (you know as well as I do they’re not laughing with you)  You keep on dancing; I’m sure they’ll make an award for your efforts one day but until then, keep up the so-called work.

Oh, Mindy

We haven’t spoken since my last award season.

Mindy,

 

I wanted to reach out to you. I lost your phone number; send me your new one. I was concerned by Lawrence; tried to get your new number. I told him I didn’t have it, but it made me think about you. We haven’t spoken since my last award season. your career skyrocketed, I am always happy to hear and see you on the news. you really became a star. your ability to keep and maintain high-quality work is impressive. who knew you had it in you?. When I last heard from Lawrence, He told me he was getting help from a therapist. I can’t lie; it made me think of you, and the times that we shared. I hope you’re doing better. I miss our friendship. I am sad we lost touch, but I am around these days if you want to meet up.

Love You,

Jen

Oh, Mindy

Dr. Hedina Moore: 440 SouthWest Street, Esoj Nas, AC 99992

 

ATTN: DR. MOORE

4:40 PM: 04/04

While you were out. A gentleman by the name of  Lawrence Pope requested an appointment. He would like you to call his agent for a time you’re going to see him.

ALSO

You’re Husband called.  He want’s to know what should he tell the kids, he said you know what that means.

 

Notes Taken By Dana

 

 

 

Oh, Mindy.

I’m sorry to inform you.`

[Part One, Seven]

Lawrence,

I  hurt for Mindy in her condition, and I wish her the best. I am sorry to inform you this did not reach Sam. Sam has entered into rehab again. I am handling all his affairs while he focuses on getting himself together. I can help you get in contact with a therapist Mindy, and I shared when we did ‘TomTom’ together.  I attached the number:

Dr. Hedina Moore

555 293 9439

Best of Luck,

Laura

 

P.S. Please, never contact Sam again. I know you’re trying to help Mindy but the press is going to be massive, and I don’t need any more salacious headlines about Sam in the news, you know what I mean? I’m sure you do.

 

 

 

 

Oh, Mindy.

You’d think there would be some common ground…

 

 

[part one, five]

 

Lawrence,

 

You’re a piece of trash. That’s how I feel about you, and not even recyclable. You’re the kind of garbage that is harmful to the environment.

It’s hard to trust these days, everyone is out to make a name for them on the back of hurting you. I know about you. I see the kind of friend you have been to me and others. You are no friend of mine. You like to pretend you have my best interest at heart, but depending on who else is around you, that interest changes.

I remember you left me to defend myself against my attackers while you and your little crew recorded my trauma for your hilarity. When I told you how I felt about it, you dismissed me, only to casually promise me that those men were not “actually” going to hurt me. In fact, I’m still dealing with the anguish to this day. I can’t even go to awards after-party anymore because of it. You, on the other hand, you’re out celebrating each year as if you won an award for your local mediocrity.

You’re a social climber and a sellout. I have nothing but the worst intentions for you in past, present and future endeavors you may have. If you’re looking to be this person who claims they care about me. Turn yourself in and admit what you did, and what you’re hiding.

 

Otherwise, don’t ever contact me.

 

Mindy

Oh, Mindy.

Lawernce can care less what Mindy feels. Or can he?

[part one, four]

Mindy,

 

You’re way off center, and your balance is off, even from afar, I can tell you’re not doing well. Despite this all, I love and care about you. I want you to get the help you need. I phoned you three days ago, it seems you instead have my calls go straight to voicemail. I am trying to do better for you now, forget about what I did and didn’t do in the past, that is behind us. I want you to be better for you and for your career. Think about the fickle public, do you think they’re going to forget that you’re making this break up messier than it has to be? This will forever be on your “celebrity chat” even if you change and you reconcile. They’re never going to live this down.

I hope you take warning. You’re slipping down a dangerous slope

 

Lawerence.

Oh, Mindy.

Mindy has had enough, apparently.

[part one, three]

Lawrence,

 

I saw your email; my assistant read your correspondence to me out loud.

You’re some piece of work.

Your concern although appreciated is as fake as our friendship and partnership.

Admit it, we are friends out of convenience, not that you really have any love or respect for me. You’re the same you that will gladly throw me under the bus to advance whatever status you think your pathetic career has. You were the one who sold salacious stores about me in the media, only to act like you had no idea why I was so upset with you or what was going on. I wonder, who was around you when you wrote that piece of shit you, call a letter. Do yourself a favor; stay out of my business like you visit out of my life unless there is a movie’s premiere you want to go.

If you had half the energy begging for me to stop what makes me feel good, and put it in that pathetic stage career you have. You’d be doing bigger shows instead of being left out in local theater runs.

If you’re that concerned about me, stop dropping my name to gain access to exclusive clubs and events. I’m tired of hearing about you and that washed up the career you tote around.

Now that I think about it, you name drop me way more than you call me.

 

Shush it,

 

Mindy.

 

Oh, Mindy.

[Part One, 2]

Mindy, what’s going on?

 

Mindy

Mindy, you’re going mad over this split. You need to be more careful how you move and what youre saying to the public. They’re not as forgiving as you think they are. You had your time in the sun and your success over the years has proven that. I want you to think about emmulating a living legend than a faded star chaser walking the earth a tormented shadow. This is the first, second, and last time I want to have a word with you in regards to how you move about discussing the split in the media. I want you to do well, but you are going to have to want to do well for yourself.

I hope you don’t take this wrong, but maybe you need to go undercover for a little bit, just to get your head clear. I’m also saying this because you’re clenching your jaw a lot on television, people are beginning to suspect your back on drugs. There is only so much time and money I can pay off to gossip news outlets to not run verified stories in their papers. I need you to be with me on this Mindy, please.

 

Lawerence.

Oh, Mindy.

[Part One, I.]
Mindy didn’t think she had to write this letter, but it served well.

 

I’ll never get to say this to you, but I wanted you to know. You were unfaithful. I know you have a baby with your mistress.

I understand celebrity marriages fall apart. I didn’t think we would fall apart like this.

Didn’t I give you everything you could of wanted and more? I don’t want to call her names because she didn’t take vows with me, but how can you leave me for the washed-up teenage icon next door?

I was kind to you. Wasn’t I? I almost died to have your child. Didn’t my family turn their back on me when I said ‘yes’ to you? I gave my time, the most precious thing of it all. Only for you to throw it away for a someone who could never work in this town again.

Your mid-life crisis destroyed our union. I hope it was worth the pain, embarrassment, and agony you caused.

I can’t get back at you because I don’t have that kind of power. All I can do is sit and wait for you to know the truth about your mistress.

That’s all I can do.

 

 

—Mindy