Flinch

After 40 years of marriage, my dad announced he was leaving my mother for her sister.

My mom was on vacation with her boyfriend’s when she heard the news

she didn’t flinch.

My mother knew for years; she made her moves silently as my dad paraded my aunt publically.

My dad didn’t get the reaction he was hoping; He was mad my mom wasn’t upset.

My mom left my dad when she first found out, he never realized it.

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Moses Frank: VII

Nothing happened after the incident where Moses caught with drugs and dancers. No one cares, at this point, it is evident to everyone that Moses is an addict, but she can get things done so who cares, at this moment, there is a stalemate on what to get done while she’s lucid and sober, for the short time that is. Some clown from lower ranks suggested we stage an intervention with Moses. Someone must have squealed to Moses that that was a whisper about her. We found the clown in a shallow grave three days after she came to us begging for us to stage an intervention. Again, we all know Moses is a mess, but let’s not go too far with trying to get her help, our lives depend on her mood.

Today, it was a little rougher dealing with Moses than usual. I wasn’t sure what her mood was doing to her, but I knew by how dilated her pupils were, she wasn’t anywhere near sober. Moses kept yelling for things she never had. It was a stretch to get things that never existed in her possession. Moses wanted a designer bag that had since been off the market before she was born. She swore that she had the bag. Someone was about to lose their lives until her dealer came through with something purer. After a long absence in the bathroom, Moses came back to us somewhat standard —still high, but her regular, high self.

No apologies for almost scalping an innocent worker, but that was the beautiful demon Moses was at times. I laid awake at night thinking the times that she has ordered a hit out on someone and it turned out to be an innocent person she turned her rage onto when she was coming down or feeling angry. Sometimes, I cry myself to sleep at her carefully crafted unpredictability. You can always spot when she’s about to lose her mind over something trivial, but the range is too broad. She can go to throwing a tantrum and slamming her door closed like a spoiled teenager. To throwing someone off a 40 story building. It’s all in the matter of what’s she’s feeling.

I hated the feeling knowing she’s not stable in any way. I was signed up for this, bound by life because she had a feeling to bust down my parent’s door. I am hoping secretly she gets help. Then again, every time she says she wants to get clean, it’s a lie. Every time she moves her mouth it’s a lie, but we have to all pretend we like her, so we don’t die. I don’t know if that’s a bad option.

I Wonder

Do you ever wonder what you’re going to tell your grandkids, kids and/or young people your part in this whole social movement was?
I feel like I’d be one of those gross, full disclosure kind of parents. Like, I’d tell my kids the fucked up things I’ve seen and done. The horrible things I realized about myself, in order to make myself grow.
The over explanations are the compensation for me always feeling I am in the dark, and my kids would understand that.
I feel like I wouldn’t say I made huge strides,  but I will be sure to tell my kids they cant play with some kids because they’re the parent(s) a rape apologist/wave riders/empty trash.
Then, I’d pull out screenshots from today, because “mommy keeps receipts” will be a thing.

Social Oberservation #1

I cackled from the depths of my soul when I saw a father hit on women their son’s called ugly.
 
The son thought his verdict on the woman’s looks were agreed upon across the land.
How wrong he was.
“Eye of the beholder, indeed” I yelled to the son.

243 Days of Night.

It has been 243 days of night

The bell tolls shollow and loud
to madam’s with broken souls,
collected like prized toys
decorated with repressed glory.
A walking legend silent in grace.
she’s charming, he spactates in awe
bask in garden hauls
an uneventful forgiving harvest,
it’s another way to feel alive.
Closed in a memory,
She realizes it’s too bright
day won’t come.
he can’t put up a fight
they won’t see the light.
She luls back to 243 days of night.

Janice

The speckled shadows swarm her as she dizzied trying to collect her nerves. Unexpected trips and tumbles take a surprise shape to her morning routine. as she desperately begs herself to pull it together while hoisting herself up by scaling the ornate blue chair near her vanity. She was getting ready for a confrontation she was not ready to have. However, she deemed it necessary to protect what she had worked for 20 years. She wanted to show that woman who thanks to her wifely senses, intelligence, the secret is out, and she knew for the past five years. She felt it was time to sit pretty while exposing that woman as if she is a flower blossoming, then violently plucked from her root, Stunting growth and development. Certain, it was time to rip open her layers and show the world how truly of an empty woman she is. She picked up the phone with authority.

“Hello, may I speak to…”

She arranged for the meeting to take place in an open, yet secluded stage in the park. She wanted to get all of her feelings out without coming across someone who knows her maiden name. She grinned as she thought ‘this would be a good time to shout out’- things she never would dare when she was the lifeless arm candy at rudimentary black-tie affairs. Nevertheless, she did not want to leave herself exposed to her state of vulnerability. ‘It would not be a good thing for a wife of her power and stature to go out and make herself a mess in public’ she thought. She reminded herself of her mother’s telling: never going out cheap with an expensive dress on. ‘You want to show them everything without showing or saying anything.’ She remembered her breathing exercise her life coach provided her in times of stress as she sashayed down her house into her car garage.

Her driver, always on duty, opened her door for her. “No thank you, Parker” the woman warmly waved to stand down. “I’ll be driving myself today.”

She waited on the nicest bench in the filthy park under two gargantuan oak trees placed side by side behind the bench as if they had front row seats to every example of the human destruction that went on in the park. She noticed the trees the silent power they commanded while giving comfort and protection to anyone that sought their solace. Bullet holes and grazes burn the trees like fingerprints. Each 40oz lay casually at the bottom of the trees also struck Janice with disastrous delight, they looked like little watering pots. She snapped back to reality when she realized where she was romanticizing art.

 

Suddenly, a younger woman walks up to Janice. Her brown skin and engaging eyes washed Janice over with a sudden lust for jealous murder. “I’m glad you can meet.” The young woman greets as she extends her hand. Janice glares at it with chilling eyes. The young woman retreats into her hand slowly. “I got your call about you want to talk to me.” The woman sits on the far side of the bench. Janice quickly skooches away from her as she clings to her designer purse tightly. “Well, you know Frank.” Janice chides. The woman looks off into the horizon and back at Janice with revealing eyes. “Well, he was my husband, you know that right?” Janice condescends The girl shook her head lightly as she raised her shoulders. “He told me he was single.” the woman’s pure innocence in her revelation killed Janice inside “I’m sorry little girl he lied to you to get into your pants.” Janice huffed as she rolled her eyes. “…but…” Janice shrugs her shoulders carelessly—, “….he used your body to get off, you need to learn how to close your legs to a married man, but I wouldn’t expect much from someone who lives out here.” Janice opens her hands as if she is introducing the woman to her surroundings. “Listen, I’m sure my husband gave you some money for your troubles” Janice bobs her head side to side. “I’m sure you have children you have to feed, so I guess you do what you have to do right. Use your tiny waist and ample curves right?” Janice moves her hands to shape the woman’s body. “you don have much of a face, but you have a body. I can give you that.” Janice looks over the woman one more time as she shakes her head.

“Claudia is my name” the woman gets up. “Your husband said he divorced you the long time ago. Sorry, he lied to you.” Claudia remarked flatly. “Are you shortening your name for me?” Janice hissed. Claudia rolled her eyes as she begins to walk away.

“You’re very disrespectful.” Claudia scoffs as she slings her purse over her left shoulder.

“Well, I wanted to meet you today to tell you Frank died. No more free ride for you anymore.” Janice stuck out her left hand to highlight a huge diamond ring. “He leaves the earth and you get nothing.” Janice boast. “I was his faithful wife of twenty years, I get what I put up with. I earned it.” Claudia grins as she looks down on the ground. She looks back up at Janice with a sorrowed look on her face and she walks away, saying nothing. Janice walks back to her car. Satisfied.

 

*

*

*

3 years pass and Janice live comfortably without her husband. she secretly seethes and replays the instant when she noticed Claudia coming to meet her in the park. She couldn’t believe her husband would sleep with a woman of Claudian’s kind and stature. Janice completes her home workout as her head maid comes and informs her the family lawyer. Marv Penny is waiting for her. Janice freshens herself in the mirror and hops along the hallway to meet her lawyer. ”Marv” Janice smiles and gives Marv a kiddish kiss on the cheek. Marv, however, is cold and strict. “We need to talk, Janice.” His voice low and rumbled.

Janice was impatient. “Merv, tell me what is going on.” Confusion ran over Janice like a Mach truck. she didn’t like this stuff man she saw before her. Marv paused and cleared his throat, “Frank left you with nothing in his will. He left everything to a woman named Claudia Shippers.” Marv pulled out the paperwork and piled it in Janice’s hands like he was putting of hand cuffs. Shocked, Janice reads that her husband did, in fact, divorce her and left nothing to help Janice sustain her current lifestyle.

“Claudia…” Janice dreamily whispers the name repeatedly as she releases the papers carelessly on the ground.

 

 

10:18 A.M.

Come back and revere

All of your delightful, controlled fears.

Step forward and proudly say,

“It’s always been that way.”

Once you’re comfortable and done,

With inner battles not won.

You will take a breath and say

“I’m glad I live my life this way.”