When I can

I’ll get back on track when I can

Things are wild now, you understand.

 

I can’t make moves as I did before,

I don’t know that dance anymore.

 

I’m working towards things settling, that commitments will stick

living in denial is my simple trick.

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The Find

I am as lost as I feel.

I am finding the time I mind to shine what I thought I can protect in the name of self-preservation.

I waste spending time being mindful why I do not deserve to be happy.

Happiness, I guess comes with the right time and mind.

Know

the lie you speak is that you know me

the fire behind my eyes

the unmanaged world tries to hide.

 

Saying that you know me

we met at dawn

in the chaos of my dreams

you were made out a liar

and counted my scars

 

I woke up out of my haze, and you created the lie you say

you never tried to understand me at all.

 

Roles

They gave me a role, I never asked for.

I never auditioned for the boxes i’m put in.

I never asked to be a protector when none is protecting me.

Why am I seen as aggressive? No one is fighting with me.

I am all these things that are never me.

 

they never want me to be who I’ll always be.

They hate when I’m me; when I’m carefree

As if I disturb them for existing with confident ease

 

I can’t and won’t help that, believe me.

Conversion Lost

Last night he complained to me “Nothing is real anymore.” he didn’t feel that he was here. Sure, the body was present, but he thought he was looking at himself existing as if he wasn’t aware, but was watching himself live through his eyes.

“Let me know when I wake up” He lamented as he crashed open his cigarette box. I was worried about his statement, but he was always too dreamy for me. I felt that he always spoke in code, and I was never smart enough to solve it.

“You’re awake. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be talking to me.” I hoped he would feel better at my dose of reality.

He explored his eyes in the sky as if he was looking for random words to put together. “No, I feel like a canary, seeking shelter in a cage.”

Promised Romance

Try. Hold on

Love lives on

There is none

There is no

Promised romance.

 

Well, Don’t. Don’t know you know

That time. Time is slow.

For the wrong

I am wrong

There is no promised romance

 

Life. Life goes on

For the strong

I am not strong

I’ll never last

I don’t have

A promised romance.

 

I was wrong

This is wrong

A slow fading dance

An empty romance.

Stuck Thinking

Tell me you need me, but in a way, I can understand.

Let me in your world, at a time I can withstand.

Your energy, I can’t stand it. It still haunts me to this day.

The time I spend thinking about you, it will never go away.

 

You don’t think about me like this—I know it.

you have no interest in me; your silence show it

I’m silly for this. To me, this isn’t new.

I mourn the day, my mind breaks free from you.

I would say to him

I’m invisible to the trained eye of beauty.

I’m used to being skipped over.

I give constant apologies to clandestine lovers.

“I’m sorry I’m not attractive enough for your friends to congratulate you for.”

I know you’re holding disappointment the front of your mind and the tip of your tongue.

I have one more look before you unleash it.

I know the reason why I’m kept your secret.