When I can

I’ll get back on track when I can

Things are wild now, you understand.


I can’t make moves as I did before,

I don’t know that dance anymore.


I’m working towards things settling, that commitments will stick

living in denial is my simple trick.


Dear Diary: Gem encrusted Gnomes

Garden Gnomes

Gem has the gull to bite because The Garden Gnomes protect them. They don’t allow the rose to feel offended. They are suitable for stopping you mid-rant to assure (warn) you, “It is how it is” and ask (demand) you to move on, ‘lest you be seen as a negative person.’ These small, gaudy lawn decorations morphed in arid, human flesh.  They rather keep the disgruntled peace than resolve uncomfortable issues by gatekeeping toxic behaviors to pass through the Kingdom of Passive Aggressive.  You can’t fault them; it’s stressful to keep up conflicts. However, why get more upset at the person being wronged than the one that is doing the wrong? Garden Gnomes instead, stand still with the elephant in the room than move gets it out of there. Garden Gnomes keep the scenery outwardly fun and quirky, like the real figurines people plop on their lawns. Sure, they want to make their house seem laid back, but the reality is, the house is one underhanded comment away from complete familial destruction.

Garden Gnomes are cautious at exposing their friendship with you for the world to see. On the one hand, they’re happy to add life to your plain exterior; on the other side, they’re embarrassed that it has to be your exterior. Garden Gnomes are excellent at being faceless saps in the face of honor. In a Garden variety gnome, they Heaven, hell, and everything in between forbids they’re ever in public with you, and they unexpectedly run into someone they respect more than you. That’s when you hear all the reasons (but the ones that are of friendship) why they’re out with a ‘person’ like you.  The real way you know how they feel about you is by the multitude of tones and evasive phrases they use in describing you depending on who is around. And as you know, anytime a garden gnome’s tone about you changes depending on who is around, you know they don’t like or care about you, but they like that you offer them things to talk about when you’re not around.

It never matters who is around when they create fake speeches about what you need to do with your life, and how they’re ‘here for you when you need anything offended This is only for the public, however. If and when you do make that call—the call they claimed they’re so happy to take—Garden Gomes end up planting themselves to take up a hefty amount of time centering themselves and their issues. By the time you get to around the reason why you called, they have to get off the line and go tend to more pressing matters.

Gem will always have asterisks by their way of accountability because Garden Gnomes refuse everything talk that might cause discomfort around them. The only thing comfortable for Garden Gnomes is the fraud they perpetrate to seem like a caring friend when all they really care about is having you around so they can thank the lucky stars they’re not you, or have any of the issues you told them in confidence.  Garden Gnomes generally believe it’s logical to make fun of someone they have zero interest in respecting, even though they give you the title as “friend.” Garden Gnomes set themselves up in your life the way the lawn ordainments do: To project fun when they’re not.


We all encounter someone who demands they lead us into the darkness they know well. These are the kind of people that base their life on the opinions of others; their intrinsic value they have in themselves is gone. They don’t want you to be yourself; they want you to be a version they made up of themselves. They want their demons to become your master.  They demand you host the parasite as if you were the one swimming in swamp water and gained a wandering tick looking to bury its eggs under the safest spot in your skin. Trying to force someone to relish in a life that is not their own is an intrusion of their right to express themselves in whatever they like. Even though it may inspire change for the better, People shouldn’t force others to be just like them.



We are all the same but also nothing alike. Photo by Ryoji Iwata on Unsplash

Humans fail to realize they’re not modern, mortal Gods. One thing that may work for one may not work for others.  As long as no one gets hurt by reckless actions, it’s better to celebrate the unique perspectives of others while maintaining confidence in one’s own. Just because a person goes to the gym every day does not give them a license to berate and nag others who don’t share the same enthusiasm for exercise. Forcing others to obey your own rules on life builds tension and resentment




Change can go nowhere. photo by Ronaldo Santos on Unsplash

Leaving people to be who they are is the best way to ensure interpersonal relationships are not built on pressure or false narratives. Life is a creative movement, sometimes the colors run off, but that does not mean there is no beauty in the art itself. Making someone feel less than is a sign the bully sees no value in themselves. Controlling aspects of other peoples lives are the way they can miserably get through theirs. However, a person can only go along to be “constructed” for so long until the cracks start to take shape and hold.


It’s only a matter of time when someones start to be themselves. Photo by Aron Visuals on Unsplash


Even actors and actresses take time out from playing a character for a gawking public. However, people always assume the character portrayed on television or otherwise, is who the person is when the cameras shut off. Shaping someone into something they’re not for personal benefits always end in a reminder that people can’t change unless they welcome the change themselves.


Forcing things causes things to break. Photo by Daniel Tafjord on Unsplash

People think their helping when they make people do and be how they see fit. Sometimes, it’s beneficial for some to take charge and change destructive behaviors in others to ensure that more trauma or damage can be inflicted upon. However, when someone isn’t hurting anyone, then making someone change who they are to please someone else is restricting.

Humans fail to realize they’re not modern, mortal Gods.

Change can be significant when there is a concerted effort with all parties involved. However, no one should feel pressured or forced to be something/one they’re not because another person isn’t comfortable with it. Everyone can learn something from everyone at any given moment. Honor yourself and others by appreciating the concept of individuality in its entirety.

The Find

I am as lost as I feel.

I am finding the time I mind to shine what I thought I can protect in the name of self-preservation.

I waste spending time being mindful why I do not deserve to be happy.

Happiness, I guess comes with the right time and mind.

Perception Protetion

The world is defined depending on how the individual relates to the world.  We act and react according to the level of adaptability we can emotionally handle. The way we rationalize our view of the world relies on our perception of the events taking place around us.  Perception is the filter we use on how we see ourselves, how we base our limits on ourselves and our concept of reality. This Understanding is terms and conditions in which we live our life.



Do you know who you are? Or are you what other people say you are? [Photo by Marten Newhall on Unsplash]


Perception has the stranglehold how we see everything and everyone. Some things are tangible, for example, tables, chairs, houses, and cars. No matter the make, cost, or brand; if a vehicle was to be pointed and asked, “What is that?” it will be defined as a car. A person was arguing that a cheaper, more reliable car is better versus someone who believes an expensive, luxury car is the route is the perception that kicked in. It’s like watching a show with your friend, although you sat together, attended the same play at the same time, and got up at the same commercial breaks. You and your friend can have vastly different opinions on the show. You may have found it entertaining, while your friend hated it, and will never watch the show again. Perception is what we base your life on. It’s the running theme of your life.


They think about you while you think about them [Photo by Yannis Papanastasopoulos on Unsplash]

Perception is a bias; it’s the way we test the various scenarios and situations we go through. No Eastern, western, northern and south places in the world have had a successful brain transplant, in which the patient sees life as a different person.  Whether recognized as a safe or dangerous narrative, our perception gives us limits we go by and take. We know what we know, and we see what we see. Our perceptional limits are mainly responsible for how we internalize and externalize the world around us. In other words, our perception has to do with how we see ourselves in the world and how we think the world sees us.  We all have different mannerisms and attitudes depending on the level of familiarity and trust we have for the person(s). Alternatively, other people are showing you a version of themselves in the same vein. The world is comprised of a series of autobiographies that may or may never be released.


The world as you see it {Photo by Leon Lau on Unsplash]


What’s beyond us is our reality. Humans tend to globalize particular life stages and act accordingly. We all have things we have done that others have done as well. Our sense of reality is what we think other people are and should be. Expression of our environment can be tricky, however. It can lead someone to judge others harshly for not meeting a personal standard they set for others to live. “If I can pay off my student loans, why not everyone else?” is an example of how someone can think because they have done something, that others should do it too, without taking the account that their life experience is not the life experience.


Drowning in achievements is a personal matter. [Photo by Caroline Bertolini on Unsplash]

The waves and changes in how you view the world and yourself will change with time you have to yourself and others. Perception is what has us looking at the same work of art and having it affect us differently. There is no definitive way of how life is going to work other than the primary needs required for life to work. We are always who we are, even if we try to hide it. There is no way seeing life through someone else unless they explain to you how they look at things. Even then, the degree of comprehension is going to vary depending on how that information is perceived. Life and the reality that we believe is subjective. Everyone sees the world as theirs, and everyone is just living in it. Our perception is the protection that structures our concept of life.


You can see everything and nothing at the same time. [Photo by Craig Whitehead on Unsplash]


I give kids paint, that won’t dry till December

call the art names I won’t really remember.

that’s when they told me, your morals are phony

lust only finds you, the men that remind you.


Painting a soul doing lines in an orange chair, soothe me-

–or maybe it’s when I take pictures of wanders invading cooly.

I don’t really know. I should really know.



I do not have the words or mind to make myself clear most of the time. I spend time rambling wandering for words trying to repeat what I think in shades of green, yellow, and blue.  I cannot speak yet, but still demand I am heard.  The words are not there, but the elements of sound are. I just admire the written language. Words carry meaning back and forth as a carrier pigeon bringing messages at times of war. Writing is an art. Art is not peace but war.

Some missives are easy to follow, codes built especially for me. I welcome it as a direct order at my level of understanding. Some words are silent. Silent like the eyes looking back at me, wanting to say something, but cannot. I see the words in the face but I do not see the message, it is not at my level of understanding. I want my pride to die in a sensual manner that would bring my eyes to words, and make my message whole. I hope they will catch my meaning at my level of understanding, and make it theirs’s. Yet, the dispatches remain unclear. I have enraged feelings met with silence, flowered in shades of red, yellow, and blue.  It is too prideful to be dependent on words that are there for exposure of the insecurity of wanting to be desired by another human being.

No matter what enigma I try to relate, the eye contact that is forever for the taking. I am not fathoming; our codes are at different levels of understanding.
Also, I’m trying so hard to get it, but I am not very perceptive.  Regretfully I speak silently, because I do not have the understanding.