Unfitting Change

They don’t need it, so why should you? I don’t think there is anything more devastating than knowing your growing more into your own. It’s like uncharted territory when a new aspect of your self esteem develops and shines. Not that it’s a bad thing, but getting more in tune with self always turns someone off. Someone will take issue when you grow more into yourself. That is the blessing of wisdom, isn’t it? To know that your opinion of you matters more than others opinion about you; it’s a blessing wrapped up in a curse, I would say. Only because you don’t see the change right away, but you feel it in eerie, yet exciting kind of way.

It can be off-putting to stand up for yourself more than prying eyes are used to watching you do. Breaking out of a shell is always easier than cutting into one because you can’t glue back pieces already broken as if the pattern of the shatter wouldn’t be visible. To some, you may be doing “too much”  to encase a personality that is not yours, when in reality, you’re showing a side others have not seen before and are not ready to view. There is nothing worse to some than you acting well out of the stereotypes they have placed on you, unbeknownst to you. As if they want to resepect the person they say they grew into while holding you to a person you never were, by force. Meaning, they want you to celebrate they have developed and change but don’t honor the growth and change you are going through as well.
They’re not prepared to see you, you only know if you’re new self when you look back. Change is unfitting for those in which the clothes were not made for.  Change is what it always will be; a constant reminder of life.

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Then, 9:01 P.M,

I am nervous right now,  I miss someone.

My heart is unraveling like a slip of the tongue.

 

I’m not entirely sure of who I am, nor what I want.

The headspace I live in; it hauntingly taunts.

Side

Lie times by any side that claims victory

after all, the victor gets to write history.

Times lie by the side that screamed in defeat.

After all, the loser is shamed by history.

What of the generations reeling after defeat?

it must be in their DNA

it must be

Dear Diary: They’re not ‘that’

We are all not of the same. I need to catch on to that concept, or at least remind myself to catch on. I always end up flat on my face when I feel The Garden Gnomes should give me the same treatment they do Gem. We are not the same, and they’re not going to see it as such, neither should I, but I keep telling myself short repeating this mistake. I stomp my feet and huff as if I assumed the body of another and demeaned my shadow stop getting all the better things in life while the flesh goes to waste with no reflection to help tell time.  I am learning the hard and easy way; no relationship is the same with others. Having common bonds with someone’s does not mean duplicity in shared experiences; People are going to share with you what they want to share with you, even if you think they’re doing too little or too much.

We all have a degree in which we share ourselves with people, it’s like playing pretend, but you can’t help it, it’s a constant side game in life. Think of a party with all versions of you invited, and there is a small group of different versions of you playing a board game quietly on the side. There was an article I passed by walking the social media streets that basically said, we see different versions of people as different people see different versions of us. I was not shocked by that. I didn’t know why that’s groundbreaking news nor why there had to be an article. I wonder if people recognize they’re not the same to everyone and everyone will not see them the same.

The unique thing about the human experience is we ’re going agree on general motions of life in society because that’s what happens when we have things in common with others. However, the tingle in the back of your head is unique when it comes to how specific scenarios elicit feelings and emotions.  Unless I stay just like I am in my entirety, jump inside your head to be you while still being me, I won’t know what is going on inside your head. We can do our best to describe how we are feeling, but the way we think about what we are describing is going to be different. For example, we agree on the definition of love and the characteristics of it, but the feelings love elicits in people are various.  We are a certain degree of something to different people, you can be the same to everyone and so different to everyone at the same time.

We all have chosen faces for different places. It makes for new rules of judgment when it comes to other people. Don’t you ever wonder why people are shocked when someone they, “thought they knew” does something they, “thought they would never do.”? There is ] an element of unwelcomed surprises when someone doesn’t live up to the standards we subconsciously hold them to. Even if the shock is good or bad, you always question your judge of character when someone throws you off the mark with who they are. These kinds of miscalculations always make space for you to have a talk with yourself if you’re too hard or too easy on people; and whether or not you’re going to have to shift your way of thinking about people.

I wonder if the way I see the world with the pleasures and pressures it has graciously bestowed upon me skewers my outlook I have on Gem. They’re my friend at times, and I feel guilty letting them go, but at the same time, I wonder if it’s jealousy because they get what they want in life and I don’t. I am upset they’re the mask is working for them, and mine is showing me in a harsher light than when I bought the damn thing. I was gawking at one of the Garden Gnomes reason with a person Gem offended a while ago. I was amazed at how different Garden Gnome described Gem to this person. As if Gem was a constant victim rather than this tough, in your face swanker I am always reminded of.  Garden Gnome was confessing to the person, Gem puts up a tough act, and they should leave well enough alone because the facade is all Gem has to make them feel like they have a place in this world. I thought that was so sad and pathetic at the same time. My heart broke for Gem in a way, but I was annoyed too.  I don’t think we should shed tears for sensitive brutes.

An Ode to Oversharing

How am I sharing “too much” if I wanted you to know?

Secrets are subjective, depending on what comes in and go.

If I didn’t say anything, you would snoop till you’re stone cold.

Now, that I’m sharing what I want, you complain about the amount and the show.

Well, I’m going to overshare,  sit back and watch.

It’s not like you don’t like it, you’re more present than a clock.

Gym Talk #1

Gym talk:
So, I had to rush in to get my 1, 2, 3’s in and saw that every beautiful person in my town was in the gym today.
I thought, “Well, this is distracting, but I’m glad.”
I was sure it was a beautiful person day when I overheard some women shading the way Gigi Hadid walks in runway shows.
They weren’t lying tho, she has an…we call anyone supermodels these days

No Fault

I find it hard to fault women when they’re in their ‘pick me’ phase because I was there, I get it, but I hope they get out of it.
It’s a lot of work unpacking that yap-yap.  But, it’s worth it because you feel better about yourself.
Sometimes, when I hear a woman cluck her pick me rhetoric, I have an, “Okay, but, let’s think about this” approach. I give a counter-argument, and usually, there is no rebuttal. Not that I won the debate, it’s just I remember when I used to think that mess was okay.
Other times, I have an “I did that, so hopefully, none of Y’all would have to go through that” message toward it.
Either way, I hope they get out.

Garden Tool

The imaginative extremes people put themselves under to make themselves feel like they’re better than others is astounding. You try to be patient with their mindless prattle of how minor things people have done for them as the sign of undying loyalty, become the only thing they talk about. If they’re feeling more benevolent, they may give you the floor to say something, As long as it’s going to praise them.

You have to understand that some people only see others as garden tools. You’re just as useful to the person the last thing you did for them; which is never enough. There is never going to be a time when they’re self-reflecting on how they can better serve themselves and others. They love to do things as long as there is an audience of people who don’t care what they’re being served, as long as they’re served.

There is never a time to panic, but there is always room to make way for someone that doesn’t want anyone else to stand in it.

Changing

We all encounter someone who demands they lead us into the darkness they know well. These are the kind of people that base their life on the opinions of others; their intrinsic value they have in themselves is gone. They don’t want you to be yourself; they want you to be a version they made up of themselves. They want their demons to become your master.  They demand you host the parasite as if you were the one swimming in swamp water and gained a wandering tick looking to bury its eggs under the safest spot in your skin. Trying to force someone to relish in a life that is not their own is an intrusion of their right to express themselves in whatever they like. Even though it may inspire change for the better, People shouldn’t force others to be just like them.

 

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We are all the same but also nothing alike. Photo by Ryoji Iwata on Unsplash

Humans fail to realize they’re not modern, mortal Gods. One thing that may work for one may not work for others.  As long as no one gets hurt by reckless actions, it’s better to celebrate the unique perspectives of others while maintaining confidence in one’s own. Just because a person goes to the gym every day does not give them a license to berate and nag others who don’t share the same enthusiasm for exercise. Forcing others to obey your own rules on life builds tension and resentment

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Change can go nowhere. photo by Ronaldo Santos on Unsplash

Leaving people to be who they are is the best way to ensure interpersonal relationships are not built on pressure or false narratives. Life is a creative movement, sometimes the colors run off, but that does not mean there is no beauty in the art itself. Making someone feel less than is a sign the bully sees no value in themselves. Controlling aspects of other peoples lives are the way they can miserably get through theirs. However, a person can only go along to be “constructed” for so long until the cracks start to take shape and hold.

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It’s only a matter of time when someones start to be themselves. Photo by Aron Visuals on Unsplash

 

Even actors and actresses take time out from playing a character for a gawking public. However, people always assume the character portrayed on television or otherwise, is who the person is when the cameras shut off. Shaping someone into something they’re not for personal benefits always end in a reminder that people can’t change unless they welcome the change themselves.

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Forcing things causes things to break. Photo by Daniel Tafjord on Unsplash

People think their helping when they make people do and be how they see fit. Sometimes, it’s beneficial for some to take charge and change destructive behaviors in others to ensure that more trauma or damage can be inflicted upon. However, when someone isn’t hurting anyone, then making someone change who they are to please someone else is restricting.

Humans fail to realize they’re not modern, mortal Gods.

Change can be significant when there is a concerted effort with all parties involved. However, no one should feel pressured or forced to be something/one they’re not because another person isn’t comfortable with it. Everyone can learn something from everyone at any given moment. Honor yourself and others by appreciating the concept of individuality in its entirety.