Garden Tool

The imaginative extremes people put themselves under to make themselves feel like they’re better than others is astounding. You try to be patient with their mindless prattle of how minor things people have done for them as the sign of undying loyalty, become the only thing they talk about. If they’re feeling more benevolent, they may give you the floor to say something, As long as it’s going to praise them.

You have to understand that some people only see others as garden tools. You’re just as useful to the person the last thing you did for them; which is never enough. There is never going to be a time when they’re self-reflecting on how they can better serve themselves and others. They love to do things as long as there is an audience of people who don’t care what they’re being served, as long as they’re served.

There is never a time to panic, but there is always room to make way for someone that doesn’t want anyone else to stand in it.

Advertisements

9:29 P.M.

Self-preservation should be a permanent vacation, but there is no wake in the setting. I’m betting he’s going to try one more time to lie to himself that he’s fine, but this time, apparently, he’s going to “mean it.”

I’ve seen this time and time again. He sends us into a tailspin that thing can’t stay the same and change has to remain. Thus deep down inside, he’s only trying to hide the significant fact that’s he a brute and a horrible man to boot. Instead of working on his aura, he instead grabs a bat and takes a swing at being a whole new person–a whole new being.

Now, it’s all about a secret wins and free spins as the parade goes on. He’s never going to settle what he has drawn to himself in the past, that kind of self-reflection won’t last in the game he’s playing with society. I applaud him once more as I consider this folklore I’m going to assume as reality.

Staged

Look at you. The laughs at a someone’s expense is one well-played sneaky hype for you. You don’t care what you do, say or feel. As long as you have an audience–that is all you’re looking for, an audience reacts to the character you play. You operate solely for the approval of others. Then again, you don’t know where self-satisfaction begins, and crowd-pleasing ends.

Things are less and less authentic about you as you move along this B-movie you called life. You know you’re a fake, and you secretly can’t stand it. So you use what “friends” have confided in you as entertainment for people who can care less about you. You’re right for a laugh, but never enough to be taken seriously. Now, look at you, you’re destroying real things for fake admiration.

You idolize a crowd that let you into their exciting life as long as you jump when they want to laugh as they tell you how high. You never had an issue going very low to get to what you think are societal highs.

I am sorry for you. Not because I hate you don’t see the person the others came to your stage performance to be, but because you are always headlining a concert no one wants tickets to, you promised one show, and gave whole new production. It never ceases to amaze me how you’re not tired of putting on a long, sad dance for an absent audience. Not the kind of song and dance we all play different characters of ourselves to a degree, especially when no one is looking. I believe that is the fault of authenticity in itself. No, you insist on embarrassing others for what they confide in you to the uninterested audience to shock them to look your way—anything to get people to laugh “with you.” (you know as well as I do they’re not laughing with you)  You keep on dancing; I’m sure they’ll make an award for your efforts one day but until then, keep up the so-called work.

Continue

I can tell the furthest thing from your truth is a reality.

A reality that sets in and begs you to tune in

Tune in to the lies you decided that cherished moments in time;

Time that you wasted, or took too seriously

seriously looking at the moment where you pause and wonder if this is you

you, I can tell, live so far from reality

reality isn’t safe for you to live in

 

Absolutly Serpant-like

The kinds of people that will use you, then throw you under the bus when they want to make someone they revere more comfortable. I call them serpents, because the way they slither around, pretending to be your friend when they’re looking for a tender place to bite. They don’t like you, but they love the social clout you provide by stealing parts of your personality to make it work for them. They make fantastic public announcements from time to time how the respect and love you, but this is a farce because they go right back to disrespecting you as if you offended their humanity. Although they may seem like they place you on the top of their friend’s list, these people are highly manipulative because serpents have no real personality of their own, they have to fashion one sucking the spirit and uniqueness out of you dry. Even when one realizes that they’re a pawn in a dangerous game, they tend to stay and try to do the friendship work because their self-esteem is very low or nonexistent. It’s up to the person to find themselves and know they deserve people who love them just as they are.

The hierarchy of friendship is essential to them; they don’t treat everyone with respect as they proclaim. Serpents have a floating rank of people. You can always tell who is on the top or bottom depending on the disparaging thing said or kept muted by the Serpent. You’re in their spotlight as long as someone better does not come along. If someone does, prepared to be thrown under the bus and treated like your friendship is a problematic charity case. Secretly to the snake, the charity is not all wasted on you as a good time they feel they’re forced to show you. The consultation prize is seeing what people like about you, then crafting that aspect to their liking for the next outing to upstage you. You’re right enough for them to copy you, but you’re not good enough for them to be who you are. If you make a slip and ignore the underhanded statements the Serpent makes when they feel you’re taking away their spotlight, the manipulative motions they take to drain your spirit is the way they show you who is boss.

They’re “manipulative” is an understatement. How else will Serpents be able to wriggle out of responsibility for how they treat people when they feel insecure about themselves? It’s the intensity that makes Serpents dangerous creatures. They will make it a point to embarrass you in public with the information you may have given them in private. They use when you have been vulnerable to them, as a public laughing point to embarrass and demean you. Serpents use this because deep down in their head, they’re thinking while adding intrigue and a spectrum of “witty” (what they mistake as witty) humor to them, this makes people like them more. Serpents spend time behind your back going on full campaigns against you to make them seem like they’re a better person than you. If you call them out on their behavior, they twist their social indiscretions as you bringing down the mood and taking thing too seriously. Gaslighting is the only light they see in life.  Other times, Serpents wonder why you’re in an angry mood. They’re daft when it’s convenient for them. What they’re hiding is the painstaking obvious truth that they’re dull, uninteresting people who never chose to cultivate a personality they can be proud to call their own.

Serpents are who they are because they need to copy you while gaslighting you to feel like they have a social footing in this society. These people don’t know how to craft a face of their own, so they steal from others to become a ruler of an imaginary monarchy. Serpents are in pageants that no one else knows they’re competing in.  The popularity contests are never-ending. As long as someone else is getting attention for being who they are, that is a threat to the serpent. They slither and glide their way into their targets live, act like their being a caring person that wants the best for the victim, and then kill their idol as they become them. The goal is to make you feel ashamed of who you are, so when you’re out for an evening of snake charming, you’re not going to act out in a way that will make the serpent comment on what and how you’re doing and being. Serpents tend to have long-lasting friendships with their biggest rivals. Most of the time, some catch wind that they’re being competing against, others do not. However, it’s the matter in which we take in this snake that speak to our relationship and level of self-esteem we have for ourselves. Not saying it’s our level of self-confidence that is the reason people act out abusive manners. What I am saying is sometimes, our low self-esteem allows others to hurt us because we in a twisted way are used to it.

You stick around because you have low self-esteem and the way friendships work for you are based on competition. You recognize the silent rift from your frenemy’s side, but you pretend to be ignorant to the fact that wicked games are played by two. You can’t be the only one who doesn’t understand why your friend is your most significant competitor. You’re still taking heat and abuse for a time after you have made peace that this person doesn’t like you but uses you when it’s convenient for them. You justify “good times” when you two are not in a weird space. You rather forget the drama than inquire about the rollercoaster of emotions. In fact, when you’re having a “good time” with your frenemy, a part of you feels vindicated. As if you proved to the snake that you can look beyond the public outburst of embarrassment and show that you’re a fun person to be around. However, you’re laughing and smiling until the next time you’re the target of their unnecessary comparisons.  The cycle continues, and you slip into more questions about who you because you rely too heavily on someone that does not care about you to define who you are. There is no relationship with the self; your constant hunt for validation that you’re a great person is running you to pieces. You’re too busy trying to prove yourself rather than making yourself whole, with practice and patience.

Taking in full personal accountability as well as understanding what some of the underlining issues are with you attracting and relishing in this kind of friendships can be achieved with a therapy method you trust.  Even if you falter and stumble at times with keeping up with therapy consistently, it’s better than never trying at all.  Precomptemplation is better than no contemplation. Sometimes, going through a traditional treatment program is a huge step that is frightening. Which is fine, there are tons of other methods that work like reading books, meditation, and journaling. Not one way of healing is going to work for everyone. Some take roads that others will never dare, and that is perfectly okay. The primary goal of healing is to heal. Realize that you deserve to surround yourself with people that want to celebrate you, not tolerate you.

Serpents bite when your charm threatens them. A floating raking system is what they give to figure out who they’re taking from to impress others. You’re their friend as long as you remain a willing pawn in their sham of social graces, they’re in the consant hunt for a character that will win clout, not real connections. Serpents manipulate you into thinking you’re not socially refined; they use the personal information you given them in times of performative friendship against you as “jokes”. Serpents do uncoth things like spilling your private information, because they don’t have a healthy sense of self; neither do you when you justify these kinds of actions taken against you. No friendships are healthy when one is silently competing against the other. It’s up to you to create space and distance with Serpents as long as it’s safe and right for you. Finding a therapeutic method to gain insight is a personal step that is should be taken in earnest. There is no such thing as a perfect interpersonal relationship, but no one should ever have to dim their light for others to shine.

 

 

Social Politics

For some, it’s important to look a sure way to maintain an image they worked so hard to fashion. It is a good thing for people to be keen on how the public receives them, but it’s another thing when that’s all they have to their being: the image they are “selling”.

That image they’re selling cuts the real person short. They’re cutting themselves short to be an aspect of their personality they’re not all too comfortable or familiar with.  While we, the close spectators to this disastrous parade, are supposed to sit and receive this new person, because of a personal public relations power move they had in their head.

It’s important for people to grow and evolve. Life wouldn’t be life if people stopped increasing. However, pronouncements of forced growth through menial verification of life milestones isn’t the way.

They trick themselves into thinking that a positive social attitude or image another person has that is well received, will work for them. They see what positions works for a great public response, they steal it for themselves, and try to do it better while insulting the same people they’re copying from. They always find out the hard it’s not the case–they forget people can’t be people who are already here, they can only be themselves.

It would be better for these people to understand and recognize what mental games it takes for them to reach this new image they are continually constructing in the name of the public and not intrinsic values in maturing. They may find there is more harm than good for their mental peace at copying other people to make themselves feel good.  Depending on who they think they are at any given time. These people forgot its better to have a solid foundation of who you are than what you think others what you to be.

Slick Mouth

Talkin to walls that don’t hear you at all

No calls to the inner threads of pain

In order to maintain

A sense of normalcy

No time to gain

That sense of belonging

That isn’t for the ones

begging to be heard

8:07 P.M.

“Get over it!” is what she says out loud when her brain overloads with thoughts. She can’t forget about the things she should have said and the things she should have kept to herself. All she really wants is a redo to curse people out when she felt powerless and bullied into dignified silence. She is usually up all night going over fake, triumphant speeches in her head. The way she would let them have it if she had to do it all again.

Deep down she feels silly for not jumping when she knew the ship was going under. The times she never listened to her intuition when it was begging her to be herself. The fake relationships kept up for appearances, her logic knew she should have left alone. However, she also has blame in it too. She stayed in the planned destruction, knowing the kinds of animals she was training. But see, she wanted to be entertained. She wanted things to report back to any gossiping hen that would listen.

She didn’t want to make a change because that would be too hard. Instead of letting go and getting on. She knew what to say and do in order to retell victimhood stories filled with unbeknownst deceit and betrayal to any blathering hen that would let her belt it out. It is ironic she is upset when the chaos goes her way. She is in denial, she is a foolish woman who always plays the victim; remember what I said about people who gladly walk in the fire? She’s the kind to let things burn, as long as she can cry on the news how she lost everything including her lighter.

Of Fire

When interested in fire, it’s not a necessity to burn yourself. However, some choose self-emulation when they try to personalize an aspect of crude zeitgeist to impress a gawking, meme informed public. They don’t care if they burn the entire town and escape bridges down with their willingness to set things ablaze carelessly. They rather walk in the fire they started than escape being ashes. Meaning, instead of taking into account of what others are concerned about, or how they hurt people, they do what celebrities when they anticipate bad publicity. They jump ahead of the story and give a rousing speech they realize they need to do better as a sibling, source, and child, they want to really touch all their bases. They have made this jump so many times, they know which hoops and words to use to complete their successful circus run.

Although these shams have been put on repeatedly in the exact same way. The leering public still reacts as if it is a fresh, new product that has never been done before.

As always, these spectacular announcements are met with open arms and praises. Everyone around them is happy this ‘new year, new person’ finally see what others have been asking them to look at for a long time. However, the display of support is what the charlatan is truly looking for. The act of “wanting” to be a better person is just as good as the next time they’re called to perform on stage with their solo scene of contrition. I can’t hide my distrust when I review this kind of movies because they’re just that. A movie to poorly pitch emotional maturity.

Real change comes with self-reflection and a willingness to cognitively find a better way to adjust the behavior. It seems when these players go on public apology tours. It’s meant to garner a compassionate reaction from the crowd, then hold themselves accountable for their offense. Otherwise, they wouldn’t feel the need to go on a tour; the change in the behavior would be evident.

Of course, there are special cases. but there is something to be said about a person who is constantly apologizing and backtracking for the same thing by ordinary.

Royal

I was getting ready for The Royal’s procession coming into town. They’re going to ride in with their broken chariots made of gold with such unapproachable grace and arrogance while demanding the subjects pay for half of the cost for the Royal to usurp their home for a resting spot. The air filled with the horrific stench of molded bread and cheese as soon as the announcement was made.  The parade was going to be as stately as a symphony that isn’t playing music, but the audience is engaged in the music they’re dressed up to hear. I gave into my liberos that tugged on my hand like a child ready to leave, everything I did and felt to get ready going into auto pilot. My mind wandered, like a participant of a tour group that has repeatedly been told by the tour guide to staying with the group for safety reasons. My mind just left, I felt it escape me as my body still prepared to join the other spineless saps that are not brave enough to take on the Royal with a favorable coupe; it seems like everyone is waiting for the other person to strike first.  My time is like money, and I don’t like to waste it. However, I was mechanically getting ready to toss hundreds of thousands away from time with The Royal’s public display of the false sense of compassion for their fellow human with superiority.

All the Royals coming through town ready to show off the blessings they stole, live lovely. Each royal has more than one beautiful castle with strong foundations build on sand and dust. From a distance, the marvelous wonders look sturdy and vigorous, the castles’ blinding pillars of their crest boast an intimidating gaze from a far as if the building is warming everyone it’s best to stay back and keep doing so. Anyone will adamantly decree that this isn’t a castle that would fall quickly, and that’s it’s a fortress for good fortunes and protection for the royal. This is right until you gain the courage to keep walking towards it. Up close, it’s nothing more than a flimsy structure of monochromatic beach debris, held together by a false belief that the high living here is a demi god. The royal spends more time than needed convincing themselves and others they must reside at this castle to be closer to offerings their followers may bring to their altar.

The Royals win over the hearts and minds of their subjects by regularly competing for social visibility and blackmail of dark confessions as they gaslight conversations to avoid accountability for their actions. Royals have a way to hint that they’re going to make sure everyone knows the chapter a subject does not want to be read out loud. Slowly making their followers are just as vengeful and spiteful as the people they worship. However, no subject intends to leave due to the fear of isolation and public humiliation from their fellow subjects. Followers are repeatedly blindsided by Royal’s media friendly level of admiration and respect.  Members fall for the trick regularly. The cover only works if there is strict genuflection in a hierarchy of the subjects. However, as soon as some followers talk out of turn, or asserts their rights to exist. The Royal gets defensive and hurls bits of confessions as they boastfully berate the member public. Most of the time, the Royal does not live up to the social standard they bestow on their subjects. The Royal always manages to reassure the subject they were foolish to trust a royal in the first place.

I tell myself this is one of the few festive events I have been to that no one is festive but the people we are forced to come together and sing their praises. This shallow display of affection is going to be painful for all parties involved. I lamented about my charm and grace while dealing with altschmerz.

It was a very long wait outside in the rain, I hated a warm, humid day, but the sky was evening ready when high noon struck. I felt like that was a good sign for me to just try to enjoy myself.  The drums started first, which meant that it was time to start clapping and cheer for gods that dress in man’s flesh to wave at us today.  One looked directly at me and quickly averted their eyes. I did the same. We didn’t want to be where we were, but we have been gone from who we are for so very long, that we forgot who we are and where we are from.  I understood the pain that royal was feeling, but I knew when to wait for a signal to help.

The Royal with relatable eyes dropped a purple bag, and I knew it was time.

The rain stopped, I took it as an extra set of luck, it was a time I brought my gift to the world.

I whispered to the air, and the bullets went flying with flair.