“When Did You Realize You Were Ugly?”

There was a question posed on social media for kicks,  “When did you realize you were ugly?”

I have a story.

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I figured I was ugly early in life. I am the only person in the world that would consider me as “beautiful” as I am. I have always had untamed hair, my clothes a mess, and a stench of “old” to me because I played sports and given up on my physical appearance—So, of course, that made way for school-aged jokes. I would be lying if I said I did not get to me. However, I also made a choice when I was in my early teens to not focus on my physical appearance.

I didn’t “realize I was ugly” until sophomore year in English class. It was standard fall day; I sat and overheard the mean girl group, I call hyenas, taking petty jabs at me indirectly. they needed something to howl about other than their grades.

Well that day, as the Hyenas were toning their insults as if they were on a rollercoaster ride. The “dudebro” in the class, let’s call him Ack— because that is a part of his real name. Decided he wanted to deliberately mix up me and a friend of mine in class, Marcy (not her real name). We don’t look alike, other than we are both tall and black. I guess that was enough for Ack to switch us up.   He relished in calling me by her name, fake apologizing for the error, then do it all again. It wasn’t funny nor entertaining, he didn’t take the hint of class silence that he should just stick to being a doucebag with a big white truck—he would laugh and no one laughed with him; I was embarrassed for everyone. Marcy wasn’t taking the mix up as passively everyone else—she was irritated. After the third time, he made the “mix up”, she looked down at her desk for a second, and yells out:

“I’m not her [me] I don’t smell and my hair isn’t nappy.”

She susurrated loudly, “I’m not ugly.”

Everyone slowed down and looked at her as if we wanted to know why the DJ stopped playing music. Even the Hyenas were shocked into silence. The lead hyena looked at Marcy as if she had lost her mind.  All of us were working on the assumption she was a friend of mine, at least someone who didn’t partake in taking outward digs about my clothes and hair which was routine back then.

I was more hurt that she repeated with ease what the Hyenas always poked at me for. She said it with such eloquent grace as if this was something her and the hyenas have all gotten together and spoken about regularly. I was more annoyed that she lied and said she didn’t like they Hyenas when in reality, she liked them when it was at the expense of me.

She liked them when the comparisons between her and I had her coming out a clear winner.

That’s when I felt ugly because a friend had “hyenas-made” insults ready to go. She needed to separate herself from ‘what I look like’ to what she looked like

After class, she tried to apologize. She stressed she didn’t “mean it the way it came out.”  However, both of us knew that how she meant it, that’s how she wanted it to come out. I wasn’t in the space to go on and act like nothing happened, nor tell her how I felt betrayed.  And I gave her a flat ‘okay’ and kept about my day.

It was that day, I told myself. “You’re the only person in this world that thinks you’re beautiful, and that’s okay.” I’m pensive when I tell myself it’s okay.

From then on, our friendship was on a bland perforative basis.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

paypal.me/sekeh (<–donate here)

 

 

 

 

 

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Just Hush!

A funny memory of when I was a teen growing up in San Jose.

When I should have kept quiet.

Back in my school days, my friend took me to see her homie on the east side for a transaction.

When we got to the house, and settled, the person she was seeing kept yapping on and on about things women “don’t do for men these days, and how everyone is selfish.”

As he was ranting, I blurted out, “but aren’t you fucking (my friend) behind your baby mama’s back? Are you going to sell her drugs or not?” I was laughing and looking around like everyone was going to join in a light hearty roar. I was point my thumb like ‘this guy, amirite!?’

Nope

When I tell how silent the room fell, as if it was as the whole world just stopped to give me a side eye.

I looked around and was like okay, I got up and said, “I will see myself out.”

As I was leaving, someone was whispering, “Why did you bring her here?”

One girl, that was already in the mix before my friend and I got there let out a lone “Buuuuuttttttt..” agreeing with my statement and I turned around really quick shot  her a “she gets it!” smile. We pointed at each other in solidarity as I closed the door.

I sat out on the porch in gazed up satisfied with my statement, the girl came out. We chatted and laughed like old friends as I waited for my friend to finish her visit.

Thirty: Done

My neighbor has a lot of cats, and even though they are skittish, I think they are kind of cool. They all walk around and sleep all day. That is cool. But they are everywhere. I think there is such thing as having too much cats.

Everyone is done with school, even the ones who lagged behind graduating. I think it’s good that everyone gets to grow and finally touch themselves for a bit. I think people become older versions of their natural selves. We get older, but our little tinks and winks are the same. We go, learn, and experience new things, but something will always make you smile or feel yucky.

I had times that I tried too hard to fit in and show that I cared, but I found out hard ways that no one cares. I should relax. I think I should get interested in caring what I think about me more than others, but that’s’ hard.  Every other month, one magazine says that you are confident, the next month; the magazine says that you need confidence. Magazines present confidence is like cats; sometimes it is relaxed and going about its own way personifying elegance, grace and class, the next minuet, its hissing, spitting, and hiding. But the warnings signs are there that it was starting to get upset when it started to violently swish its tail.  There are always little triggers. Cats and confidence are togerther but separate.

I hope I get better next year. Everyone says the same thing about high school, that it is restricting. So now that we don’t have to, I guess everyone can be themselves more and more.  Everyone can find one thing they can do well and do it more, even if that means changing.

Noting to do tomorrow, but there is more to do later in the future, I’m glad it’s over. The summer is going to be a toss-up. I want to get out more, I hope I can make a few things new and work, but who knows.

All I know is I can finally think about other things.

Twenty Nine: Friend Coast is the best Coast

I think there are some cool things about Oak Grove

I was admiring some of the popular girls today. Like it is amazing how they kept four years of being nice and well liked, you can go to any group and no one says anything bad about them.

I think that is great because there are so many that are willing to turn on you like that.

What is nice is that when I was talking to some of the track people from other schools, they were saying how their popular girls are mean and vengeful. I was nodding my head in agreeance so I was not left out of the conversation. But In reality, I know that the popular girls are nice and they don’t pay attention to people they don’t like. They’re not out being outwardly mean to people. Not like me when I try too hard to be cool.

Then again, most of the girls that I find popular are my friends. I do not have anything bad to say or think about them.  Despite fake people here, none of my true, true, true friend s given me a reason to feel left out or alone really.

I consider my friend group, like a Mafia family, we have the core, and = a ton of associates. You know what we were about but you knew you were not one of us. Not in the mean way, buts in the way that it was all of us. The real ones to be exact, not the ones who came in and were laughing while shooting the peace sign because the season or weather was great, but the real ones.

There are popular girls that I do not hang out with, but I really like how nice they are. Like Stephanie is always pleasant.  She has always been nice ever since elementary school, Most of the Cheerleaders are actually nice. Of course, there are few, like Drumstick. If there are 39 cheerleaders and seven of them suck, then still, they are. They are not like how the media makes cheerleaders to be mean or malicious. I do not know what goes on in their world, but they are nice to me.

But it is just great to have my friends, it is like what makes me feel big and important knowing I have big and important friends that everyone is fond of.  Like Katie, everyone and their mother love Katie. And it is not hard to see why, she’s pretty, nice, great singer, and she makes everyone feel like they “belong”. You can feel left out hanging with me, but you can never feel left out hanging with Katie and her Crew With all those gifts, she hasn’t let her popularity go to her head. Just like Veronica, Jameice and Jessica. All three are the prettiest girls at the school, and they are so nice and willing to help me if I need it. It’s great. Ariana can sing and dance her butt off. Now that think of my friends, we did not highlight her talents as much as we should have as a whole

Say, you have the stars of campus, the central JHova crew is stars on campus like and someone was to ask me about them. Like the public relations manager I just tell them “no comment” while giving them a “you’re one of the No’s so you don’t get to know” it is great how I see people fall and fawn for my friends.

Importance, if anyone wants to be anything around here. It is important to get flor to respect you. If she does not like you, it is one thing, but if she does not respect you, then forgets about hanging around the island. The one of the few girls that I have noticed at that have most of the boys completely terrified of a destroyed reputation.  They all feel the same (inside terror) way about Amanda, Nellsy, and Anya. Safiya and Big Becca most of the people drool after, and their outright unavailability makes it even more awesome, because they can look but none of them can touch. Plus, they always keep everyone smiling whether it is looks or humor. So that is also something to celebrate that gift others have

I see many people do anything they can to make all of my friends happy. As it should be.

Even the boys here, I have cool boys that are strictly my friends. They never tried to make me feel weird for having them as friends, and they never seemed ashamed to talk to me in public like some of the others do,. But even they have many girls that swoon over them, and even they give me daps on campus. It is nice to know there are nice boys that can be friends with you.  Marcus, Joe Nahhh and Travis are cool, even the twins David and Joseph are very down to earth. And no one really talks about how funny Aris is, but he is hilarious.

And of course, Carlo. But I do not consider him a boy that is strictly my fiend. He is in circle. It is a little sad because we are leaving him alone on campus next year, but he will be fine. Of course, there are featured guest stars that are juniors that I like them, a lot. But Carlo has not caused rifts in my crews, so that has a bonus with it.

I could not imagine not having the friends that I do. The amount that I am made fun of by outsiders. Imagine if I did not have cool friends to make it seem like I was sheltered a little bit. I think high school would have been a lot harder for me to get through.  Like if I had other friends that were not as popular and more resentful about life, or if I played sports and was not good at it. I would be in so much trouble around here.

All my friends sing, dance, and play sports. The yearbook should have been called Oscars. How the same small group of people are all over it. It is as if we all were congratulating ourselves through our achievements. Our friends highlighting our friends, That’s basically what the yearbook was.

 

I hope after I graduate and get more grown up, I will still find ways to praise my good friends.

 

There is a lot that

Twenty Eight: Last Rally Call

Last Rally of the year

I did not like whom I was paired up with at for the fun dance we did as seniors, but that is not important. I heard he touched himself at a retreat, and here I have to dance with him, gross.

Everyone seemed to have a lot of fun doing it, from planning, set up, and execution it was all met with laughs and fun. It was nice to see everyone come together for our last, hurray as seniors.

I wonder if anyone feel a little sad that they won’t get to do this again, well they can, but not with all of us like this again.

I came in being known as my brother’s sister, and I am leaving known as my sister’s older sister. And that works for me just fine.  Association will always work for me, all to the end.

I think it was only sad because people are leaving, like for real leaving to schools in other states, and it is sad.

Some people are leaving, like for real leaving.  This place was hard, but I feel like everyone is coming out of here a little stronger, a little better. More secure about them, you have to be. I think its hard being here, whether it’s from the students, teachers, or family, it’s hard.  Its hard being a teenager, I think it’s really hard nothing is settled the mind or body yet.

Some older woman was saying that it was hard being a teen when she was a teenager. I thought everyone was groovy in the 60’s so I was a bit shocked to hear that old people had the same problems we have as young people. I thought the worst of her situation was loyalty oaths and McCarthyism.

What I always wanted from this place was real exit interviews.  Like a way for anyone to ask someone if “it was worth it”

Was it worth it? What if we got a special place in the yearbook that someone could say what they felt about this pace without reservation of being judged?

I think this rally and how it came together and ended was worth it. I think I can give my high school experience a B overall, but it was a dragging C before this. It was as if everyone had the idea to let go and have fun, we will never get to do this again. We will never get to rally and cheer in a school sponsored event with all of us again. I am trying to burn the smiles and lit up faces in my mind.  It was nice to see everyone happy.

It worked for me when I was a little sad after school and thought about the rally today, I was not so sad anymore.

Twenty Seven: White Fish Resentment

Resentment

 

 

There is a huge feeling I have of resentment.

 

I wish I were not able to see right through people like how fish can’t see the plastic rings that choke them to death

Then again, it is necessary that someone does not take the bait, as it seems that everyone else has.

Its funny how one thing makes someone so funny and wonderful, and if I do it (or have said it); it is automatically taken as me being weird. What’s weird are the insecure parrots we have at this school. I have sat quietly as many of these people parrot the same phrases I have said. The same things I am called weird for, other people are getting the cool and interesting treatment from others.

Every time I hear a “me-ism” from someone else, I want to punch him or her out continually while screaming, “Fuck you pay me”.

 

Fuck you, pay me.

 

People get all weird with me when I mention it, like I am some sort of crazy women, or as if I am lying.

 

When I had a falling out with Cro-Magnon, everyone was still rallying around her, hanging out with her, and laughing at her subtle jokes about me as I passed by her and her “I’m too scared to go against her” crowd. It was as if I am watching a group of people with battered wife syndrome; it was not until she started turning her shit onto others that is when they came up with the idea that she was a shit person.

So when she outwardly showed she was a shit person, everyone was like “well, I don’t know” as they look up into the sky and twiddle their thumbs, now she turned her unendurable nature on to others, and they want to proclaim that she was always terrible? When was she terrible? When it happened to others, as you were laughing and participating in the jokes or when it finally happened to you when you became the joke.

The other day, Bitter told Flor “if someone was talking about you, I would tell you, but if someone was talking about [my last name], I wouldn’t tell her”

I found it great that no one thought that statement was crazy.  I am “a friend” until or unless to many people.

Bitter is a service, she is a straight up party service, that  isn’t relevant until Friday happens and I want to know where to go to get drunk and see sexy guys that would never speak to me, for free.

After that, she really did try to say she had my back at a party, and I was wondering how drunk she was. And did she forget what she said to Flor?

 

Another terrible thing that seems to never go away, everyone love it when they can get ethnic validation, but if they do not need it (or someone “cooler” gave them the validation they so crave) I have Smelly Whitefishes telling me they are blacker than I am.

Cameos at Africa made them feel special, I guess.

Why is it a competition for whose black enough, I can tell when someone “needs this” Some people really need this. Notice how they never say this to Jessica, or Carmichael or to any black person for that matter, but they can tell me.

 

All the time in the world along with a prematurely ended season, to Freudian slip me to death with comparing how much cooler they are than me.

I notice it does not take much to crush someone’s self-esteem, and I think everyone should be lucky that I do not tend to say much or anything for that matter.  I think they should be very lucky.

I can see right through them, like right through them. Like completely, you are not fooling me. Not [my last name] by one shot.

Imagine the utter chaos if I used that against them.  We would see a lot more people on the roof of the drama building and we might get them to jump.

 

 

Today, I heard three black people and some unfortunate whites say, “Mixed girls are prettier”

Prettier than who?  Surly, they never been to Africa, or any country in Africa. I bet they do not even know where Africa is.

For someone to be pretty, it depends of the genetics, not if one has a different race parent or something like that.

They never say that for black boys, but always for black girls. “Redbone” her bones are not red because she is light. And don’t they know black comes in different shades, I wonder

Local Champions. All of them. Local Champions.

The people that were saying this, I think this is about as pretty and popular as they are going to be, these people reached their “max.”

You get that at the Island too, ThatOne with zero self-esteem is put to a beautiful high regard because she is mixed. No telling on how insufferable her having no self-esteem is. (NO one is making it “worse” here, while I cannot get a break at home, or at school) No one cares that she’s using it to her advantage (like attention), in fact that’s better for the jealous rats that hang out with her, they can drain her, and build her back up as they please; all of her power is in her friends  and the lame guys that surround her.  Each week she comes with a new self-degrading thing to say, but everyone go “oh no, that’s awful, that’s not true”

Ok, I have been aware of her for years, and she has been doing this since I was aware of her, when are people going to catch on that this is what fuels her? Comparison happens when you have been outed of your self-esteem by outside factors by force.  Therefore, you have to claw at anything to feel good about yourself. In reality, if you feel good, you do not have to compare if you look worse or better than someone else does.

Even though people think I am ugly, I do not think I am. I am the only person on the world that thinks I am beautiful, that is perfectly fine with me, and that took a long time, to think that. It is hard to think that too because it is so easy to be caught up in what others think of me. But I wouldn’t say that I’m prettier or uglier than someone else as a fact, when I think that, usually I’m sad about myself. but I don’t think much of that,(I do, sometimes), because I don’t compete where I don’t fit in. I learned that it is not a good thing when I was at Davis, but it took until now to understand that.

When people say others are ugly. People get defensive and fight, calling that person out for being rude. When it is said aloud that I am ugly, sometimes by the same asshole that proclaiming the beauty of everyone standing around me. No one says anything. Not my so-called friends. They look down at their feet and look off to the side.  And try to change the conversation, quickly

Some of my friendships are based on the terms of the lease, but why do I have to sign a lease when they allow everyone else to ride them for free?

Twenty Six: Listen

Hold

 

When you fuck up, people won’t let you forget. Or they will let you forget until you fuck up in their eyes. Then, they remind you of what a fucked up person you are.  They remind you by telling you all the things wrong you have done, and thing you thought was put past is not because they bring it up again. I do that a lot, so I know what it is like to be always holding on to something, it is nervous.  It makes me tired.

I am watching these two factions divide. It is not my friends, but I know them because they are my friends, good friends. Anyways, a person is invoked and so now they are breaking apart, and I am shocked at all the old things can be brought up to makes a person seem terrible. They were not a terrible person back then, but now that they are not friends, all these things are terrible.

I have been more and more scared of UsedCar. She talks like a used car sales representative. I was struck by it last year. I was listening to her talk just about what she wanted, and it was as if she was not trying to engage us, or make us laugh, but she was trying to sell us that shew as cool. It was as if she marketed herself. It is as if UsedCar is not a person, but she is a product.

I wonder why no one seems to notice how people talk. It is strange to say, “Did you just hear him say that?” the person I said to always says no., and it makes me look crazy. “You’re hearing things” I am poked fun of with that. But it’s not hearing things. It is crazy how some people talk to others. It is important to listen carefully to someone. Some people think they are being funny, when they are not. I have heard a lot of copying going on. As someone would start saying something, then the person would say it is stupid, but a week later, that “stupid saying” is used to make someone cooler.

Or someone is outright insulting someone and they smile and nod, they don’t hear what they are supposed to hear, they only like the fact that that person is talking to them.

Travel and Tourism is getting very interesting these days. It is like; you come for the learning stay for the experience in seeing people act like products.

Speaking of productions. A Chorus Line was amazing.  I did not announce I was going to see it. I have made attempts with some people to come to see it with me, but it seemed weird to them, the way they kept making excuses, , and I rather drive myself then other people at this moment. It was good. It was nice to see my friends show their talent. I have many talented friends. Even the few that I can’t stand, but do theater were good; it made me mad that these horrible people are also talented. Horrible diseases and talent are the only two things that do not discriminate. But I do. And i still think they’re assholes.  Talented assholes.

 

Twenty Five: Begging Bet

March

 

Crushes can burn. It burns to have a crush. It is a sensation when they come around. I think two things that make me go silent are mean people and boys. Cute boys. Boys who like to do things with themselves. and others. You know, there all around.  The feeling is like a nice toy that came with no directions and you have to call a hard interpreter for the correct parts. But you never get the parts, but you know the order has been filled. It’s fun, just like that.

It is not for access but I watch relationships all the time in movies. I wonder if they will ever do a movie when the relationship falls apart or get stronger. Some of the movies make boys seem like yuck.

I like the Movie “She’s all that” but what I didn’t like is how these boys were interested in Janey after they bet on her. It’s actually mean if you think about it: she wasn’t worth time or attention after the human “joke” cleaned up. After she was pretty, they got really in love when they found out she was pretty and artsy. It is like pretty woman, but for teenagers. Pretty woman is risky because she was a prostitute. Pretty woman is a jazzier version of Henry James’ novel Portrait of a Lady. I wonder where prostitutes look like Julia Roberts, maybe in Las Vegas or Scottsdale, Arizona. if there are prostitutes that look like Julia Roberts, I think she would somehow still make her way out of being a woman of the night and in Hollywood.  On the other hand, the thing for a beautiful prostitute that has not destroyed herself with drugs is a “silent but beautiful” famous person’s partner. Like how it ended in Pretty Woman. She will not sassy him in public, but she will give ‘that’s the clean ho way’ in private speech that would inspire him to still make millions. It’s a restricting life, but safe, she won’t have to sell herself anymore.

I wonder what it would be like, but I don’t want to do it because I don’t want to it seems like too much work and it would involve prostitution, and that’s not a good thing.. But I was watching SuperStar cry today. It was sad because she usually is not that emotional or animated, I think she is too cool for emotions, but today, she was emotional afterschool.  she was begging and pleading with ManDerp. I did not know why.  but he was not looking at her and kept facing away from her. she would grab on to his shirt, and he would rip it away and sit with his back toward her. He seemed upset, and I was wondering, if he was that upset with her, why not get up and walk away? Instead of sitting around and having her claw at him as she begged for forgiveness, I never heard the word “please” so much, it was really sad. I wonder what happened, but from what it looked like, she must have done something unforgivable, because they are not together anymore.

I think he should have forgiven her, because he is drinking top-notch booze in a hobo sippy cup at this point. It is looks regal, but it is foolish. Forgive her or walk away, stop making a scene. That is what the drama club is for; to help you be a better actor, but ManDerp continues to go rouge with is acting skills. He would be good at acting. Right now he pretends he was a stellar football player. The most animated person on the sideline.  That annoying, chipper nature is ready and waiting for the next foolish fish to bite.  He’s the same grade as my brother, so I’m glad he’s leaving soon.

It was just really sad.   I like her, she is nice, and I hope she can feel better. I hate when i see people that hold hands end up fighting. it’s really hard to  watch.

Twenty Four: Thinking

Let Go

 

It time to let go now, it is time to wrap this all up, I think I’m going to be most sad about not being able to stand around and finish our conversations. That is going to be the worst of it.
The other week, I was at, what felt was my last high school party.  where someone is complaining that there are a bunch of high schoolers there, and me not knowing how we got there, only to follow the train of cars from jack in the box to the east side. I told myself that this was going to be a little sad, and that I should not get too drunk and to enjoy it. But going to miss not knowing where I am going only knowing that there will be a party there.

What I don’t think I’ll miss is the petty drama, they can keep it, a part of me is sad I never got to have a boyfriend, but a part of me is thinking that’s okay, because from where I was standing, which is on the outside most of the time, I never thought that looked fun. After three weeks, someone was always crying or deliberately being mean to another girl. All for the people around here. Weird, it is very weird.

I wonder what it would be like being a grown up.  if my scars would go away and will people be less mea? I was hearing this older lady talk on a cell phone and she said “it’s just like high school, all over again” I wonder what she meant by that? Like High School Drama, or standing in lines trying to sign up for things?

I wonder if it is true that people get fat first year in college, I think it has called the freshman 15. Is it a standard that everyone gets fat in college?

What is being fat anyway? Some people think they are fat, when they are not fat, and they are thin. It is weird.

It is weird what people think of their bodies and it is wired when it does not match up with what someone else sees. It is like what if you put your eyes on someone else. Would you see what they see or would you see what they see, but think what you think because you still have your brain.

You can be standing in front of 100000 people and fifty percent may think you’re the worst thing ever, and the other fifty percent may think you’re the best thing ever, with in that fifty percent that thinks you’re stunning, another ten percent of those people may think you’re perfect. The fifty that thinks you are ugly; ten percent of those people can think you are out right hideous. And you are just standing there, in the same room. It is what people see is differential the time.

 

 

Twenty Three: The Most

Class

So aside from the Yearbook getting an F in leaving out people and getting grades wrong, I think it was so beautiful. “Senior Most” was mostly, interesting choices, I knew the choices beforehand, I had to take a picture, but I was still, not too. Thrilled.

I got “Most Athletic” but for some reason some Islanders kept telling me who they thought should of gotten most athletic, everyone had a better idea who should of gotten it but me, but after they would give me their choices, I asked them who they voted for. They would say they voted for me. Then, why are we having this conversation?

Even Mrs. B started with me as soon as I walked in to my indentured servitude for the period. She first said that “When did you play soccer for me?” and I said, “never, it was a mistake, I just wrote soccer”, Then, she went on and said that I shouldn’t have gotten most athletic, and I should of gotten most humorous.  She mentioned how Aplus should have gotten “Most athletic because she played three sports all four years.  That was her only reason, that she played three sports all four years. What does participation have to do with athleticism?

I told Mrs. B. “Okay, but I was voted, so I don’t know.” She only wanted Aplus to get it because she personally liked her. That is cool, but that has nothing to do with seniors voting for their friends. It is not like, a thing you can put on a resume. Unless you actually go and put it on a resume; I continued and said that she played sports all four year, and that really good, but I’m really good at the one sport I did all four years, and I can still go on and be good in college, when  they let me try out.”

She was not hearing that, and she went on and made other suggestions on who should have gotten ‘Most Athletic’ she said she really did not think I was athletic.

I was nodding my head, on the inside I thought, way to dampen something I’m excited about.

In addition, I have seen her all her suggestions in ‘athletic action’ during PE athletics last year.

I realized that she gets star struck by the popular crowd, and I understand I do too; I get star struck on campus, every day. However, there is a huge difference between athletic talent, and athletic participation.

I’m fine with her thinking I am not athletic.

I suck at not trying as hard as I should, and being lazy. But me at lazy would be most at their peak.

It was ok to not pay attention, until lunch, when some of the islanders repeated Mrs. B’s sentiments.

It was frustrating; I did not want to hear it. No other category came into question.

It was nice, the acceptance of the school casting couch choices in yearbook form. That was some of the choices only way, especially for two of the categories.

Like a casting couch, all you have to do is have sex with the director and you get a part you are not prepared for. The producers were not even considering you, just to let you know, but since you blow well, here you go. A part of undeserved history.

For the icing on the top is get an ethic friend that will validate your whinny, insufferable nature.

I did not get upset that my season did not end up the way I wanted it to, because for me, there is always next year.  Wherever I go, there is a next year’s track season. I still have seasons coming up, that makes me extra deserving,

These are not the best years of my life, MtV is making being in high school look fun and sexy, but it is not fun and it is not sexy.   I feel sorry for anyone who thinks high school is the best years of our life. This can’t possibly be it.