Dear Diary: Sensitive Brutes

There isn’t anything worse than an asshole who can’t take the heat of their cooking. What did this hardcore crybaby think, was going to happen? That, someone, wasn’t going to make their abstract insults as concrete reasons to issue a beat down either verbal or physical? Even the head Lion gets challenged once in a while. There is always an idyllic, younger lion looking to fight the ion which is that lion. The fights end the same; with the status quo maintained, or not.

Sensitive Brutes are the ones who can’t take what the give out, but dammit, they’re going to keep serving us dishes they did not help create. However, you’re still going to get detailed information as if they were in the food cellar thinking about ways to make food more iconic to everyone that ever locked eyes with them as the pull and muddle through their vast collection of alcoholic fruit punch. The only issue is they don’t know the name of the dish they’re campaigning as a heavenly treat. They assumed you were going to buy in and not ask questions about what they’re serving you.

Keep in mind, these delicate barbarians are sensible to their issues but not anyone else’s. They always have a rundown handy of everything everyone has ever done  (“good” or “bad”) that fits the narrative they want to frame about someone. If someone makes a Sensitive Brute feel insecure about their looks, they will, in turn, spread information for people to watch/listen for small buzzwords and mannerisms that can be interpreted just as the Sensitive Bute described it. Sensitive Brutes are quick to say “I told you that person is stuck up, look how they flip their hair” when in reality, the person is flipping their hair to get it out of the way. They keep tabs on everyone, but heaven forbid someone meets them at their game and pulls out their autobiography. The Sensitive Brute will be quick to tell everyone how much they’ve grown and seen as an exceptionally evolved form of themselves.

Finally, sensitive brutes are quick to remind you of the wrong someone did to you back in ’98, but they never remember the wrongs they did to you three minutes ago. Even if they suddenly burst out of their soap opera-like amnesia, they have great reasons for throwing you under the bus to protect themselves. These sob stories usually come off as them trying to “make a bounce back from trauma” but when you rip the emotionally charged words out of their speech. It’s nothing more than a hefty complaint of that one time they were held accountable for their crock of crap, and they’re still bitter about that till this day. Not to mention the isolation they felt when there was no Garden Gnome insight to lessen the blow for them or to take the blame. They’re always going to make it their mission to chop others down so no one will realize they’re miserable and want others to be miserable with them.

As long as a sensitive brute come off as more brutish than high-strung, none is the wiser. At least, according to them.

Everyone is a different version of themselves to someone, remember?  Being a sensitive brute might work for some people because it works out for others. I have to ask myself if I am shut out from knowing the cry bully for who they are and cut short what I think they’re worth but at the same time. It’s what I see, and that thought can also be just me. I can be on an island with this.

You’d think it’s better to see the trees for the forest or the other way around. I’m not sure, how that saying works, but I like it because it’s mysterious and beautiful.

 

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Dear Diary: They’re not ‘that’

We are all not of the same. I need to catch on to that concept, or at least remind myself to catch on. I always end up flat on my face when I feel The Garden Gnomes should give me the same treatment they do Gem. We are not the same, and they’re not going to see it as such, neither should I, but I keep telling myself short repeating this mistake. I stomp my feet and huff as if I assumed the body of another and demeaned my shadow stop getting all the better things in life while the flesh goes to waste with no reflection to help tell time.  I am learning the hard and easy way; no relationship is the same with others. Having common bonds with someone’s does not mean duplicity in shared experiences; People are going to share with you what they want to share with you, even if you think they’re doing too little or too much.

We all have a degree in which we share ourselves with people, it’s like playing pretend, but you can’t help it, it’s a constant side game in life. Think of a party with all versions of you invited, and there is a small group of different versions of you playing a board game quietly on the side. There was an article I passed by walking the social media streets that basically said, we see different versions of people as different people see different versions of us. I was not shocked by that. I didn’t know why that’s groundbreaking news nor why there had to be an article. I wonder if people recognize they’re not the same to everyone and everyone will not see them the same.

The unique thing about the human experience is we ’re going agree on general motions of life in society because that’s what happens when we have things in common with others. However, the tingle in the back of your head is unique when it comes to how specific scenarios elicit feelings and emotions.  Unless I stay just like I am in my entirety, jump inside your head to be you while still being me, I won’t know what is going on inside your head. We can do our best to describe how we are feeling, but the way we think about what we are describing is going to be different. For example, we agree on the definition of love and the characteristics of it, but the feelings love elicits in people are various.  We are a certain degree of something to different people, you can be the same to everyone and so different to everyone at the same time.

We all have chosen faces for different places. It makes for new rules of judgment when it comes to other people. Don’t you ever wonder why people are shocked when someone they, “thought they knew” does something they, “thought they would never do.”? There is ] an element of unwelcomed surprises when someone doesn’t live up to the standards we subconsciously hold them to. Even if the shock is good or bad, you always question your judge of character when someone throws you off the mark with who they are. These kinds of miscalculations always make space for you to have a talk with yourself if you’re too hard or too easy on people; and whether or not you’re going to have to shift your way of thinking about people.

I wonder if the way I see the world with the pleasures and pressures it has graciously bestowed upon me skewers my outlook I have on Gem. They’re my friend at times, and I feel guilty letting them go, but at the same time, I wonder if it’s jealousy because they get what they want in life and I don’t. I am upset they’re the mask is working for them, and mine is showing me in a harsher light than when I bought the damn thing. I was gawking at one of the Garden Gnomes reason with a person Gem offended a while ago. I was amazed at how different Garden Gnome described Gem to this person. As if Gem was a constant victim rather than this tough, in your face swanker I am always reminded of.  Garden Gnome was confessing to the person, Gem puts up a tough act, and they should leave well enough alone because the facade is all Gem has to make them feel like they have a place in this world. I thought that was so sad and pathetic at the same time. My heart broke for Gem in a way, but I was annoyed too.  I don’t think we should shed tears for sensitive brutes.

Dear Diary: Gem encrusted Gnomes

Garden Gnomes

Gem has the gull to bite because The Garden Gnomes protect them. They don’t allow the rose to feel offended. They are suitable for stopping you mid-rant to assure (warn) you, “It is how it is” and ask (demand) you to move on, ‘lest you be seen as a negative person.’ These small, gaudy lawn decorations morphed in arid, human flesh.  They rather keep the disgruntled peace than resolve uncomfortable issues by gatekeeping toxic behaviors to pass through the Kingdom of Passive Aggressive.  You can’t fault them; it’s stressful to keep up conflicts. However, why get more upset at the person being wronged than the one that is doing the wrong? Garden Gnomes instead, stand still with the elephant in the room than move gets it out of there. Garden Gnomes keep the scenery outwardly fun and quirky, like the real figurines people plop on their lawns. Sure, they want to make their house seem laid back, but the reality is, the house is one underhanded comment away from complete familial destruction.

Garden Gnomes are cautious at exposing their friendship with you for the world to see. On the one hand, they’re happy to add life to your plain exterior; on the other side, they’re embarrassed that it has to be your exterior. Garden Gnomes are excellent at being faceless saps in the face of honor. In a Garden variety gnome, they Heaven, hell, and everything in between forbids they’re ever in public with you, and they unexpectedly run into someone they respect more than you. That’s when you hear all the reasons (but the ones that are of friendship) why they’re out with a ‘person’ like you.  The real way you know how they feel about you is by the multitude of tones and evasive phrases they use in describing you depending on who is around. And as you know, anytime a garden gnome’s tone about you changes depending on who is around, you know they don’t like or care about you, but they like that you offer them things to talk about when you’re not around.

It never matters who is around when they create fake speeches about what you need to do with your life, and how they’re ‘here for you when you need anything offended This is only for the public, however. If and when you do make that call—the call they claimed they’re so happy to take—Garden Gomes end up planting themselves to take up a hefty amount of time centering themselves and their issues. By the time you get to around the reason why you called, they have to get off the line and go tend to more pressing matters.

Gem will always have asterisks by their way of accountability because Garden Gnomes refuse everything talk that might cause discomfort around them. The only thing comfortable for Garden Gnomes is the fraud they perpetrate to seem like a caring friend when all they really care about is having you around so they can thank the lucky stars they’re not you, or have any of the issues you told them in confidence.  Garden Gnomes generally believe it’s logical to make fun of someone they have zero interest in respecting, even though they give you the title as “friend.” Garden Gnomes set themselves up in your life the way the lawn ordainments do: To project fun when they’re not.

Dear Diary: Isn’t It a Gem?

I haven’t seen Gem for a few months now. We used to be very close. To the point where we secretly hated each other but still made it a point to see each other every day. I liked them as a friend, but it was tiring for me to worry about if I was saying the right thing or not. It seems some friendships are built on competition, but only one side knows they’re competing. It was exhausting, but that was what made Gem shine. They always needed to feel that something about them was better than everyone in the room. If they didn’t feel it, they had a handy supply of snide remarks about close friends to get people to look at the person less than they did before, if even. Humans tend to base their opinions on others based on what someone has said about them; good, bad, or indifferent.

We all do it; it’s why we love the news so much.  We tend to base our opinions based on the emotion or information we receive the report. The fact of the matter is, we all pick and choose things that serve our interest in our line of thought. We tend to translate that when we get details on people, we are about to meet through someone.  It’s up to you if you sway to formulate your own opinion about a person or keep building a personality profile based on what someone else had said about them. Gem had an interestingly vindictive, sweet but degrading way of describing people she felt insecure about to others.  Their end goal was the same: As long as they thought the victim was blindsided by a cold introduction to their “other group of friends,” they won the campaign trail. It’s hard not to feel sorry for Gem in a way that you can feel sorry for a thief that steals bread to feed their family. Gem is pathetic, but they’re only trying to feel like the cool kid they never were when this kind of deplorable behavior was accepted, yet quickly corrected.

Gem needed social capital more than life. Gem lived their terms based on the focus group they were stalking for praise. It was nice to see them crash and burn by their own faulty designs, sometimes. Other times, it was a mess dealing with being chosen for them to sacrifice the semblance of friendship to make people like them more. Gem was my friend, but they’re tragic as a friend because they can’t stand on their own two feet without someone validating their toes.

What also annoyed me about Gem was their constant mode of competition. I am for everyone finding someone to compete with, as long as everyone knows they’re fighting. It’s horrible when you’re the last to know that you were in completion and you lost. Gem hated when they didn’t feel they were the center of attention. They never quit reminding us of their complete, historical archives of lovers that came for the party but never seemed to stay for the cake. All of Gem’s tales were similar of whirlwind affairs with someone from nowhere that ends with feeling the sour of severe embarrassment as their lover parades some other being as their new found partner that’s more important than the moon and stars. I had to appreciate the resilience Gem displayed every single time there was egg on their face. I have to acknowledge they know what it means to show grace under pressure because heaven knows, everyone would see my rage if that ever happened to me. Gem really knew how to keep it together. Good for them. Gem always lamented that old lovers downgraded after them, but that was laughable to me. I guess that was a messy thing to do, take some heat and subtle insults for front row seats to Gem’s payment from the universe for the fruits of their labor.

Now, Gem is an attractive person. They meet all of the requirements of the standard of beauty evident by the scores of lovers.  Although their public melts were refreshing during a hot peak of me being annoyed by their subtle insults. The fact of the matter has they had the hands to fire in the field.  As much as they wanted to claim they’re not the one to put their looks out as the only thing they like about themselves. That’s all Gem did! Well, once in a while, you would get the stores of other people praising their looks, but, it’s all the same story structure.  The main thing evident is Gem cared about what they looked like because they enjoyed the praises they got for their looks. They always felt terrible because the divide between their praise and our scorn was great. Gem was happy that they weren’t as ugly as everyone around them. They felt a firm comfort in the idea they stood out. But heaven forbid they allow gnomes to see that.