“Get over it!” is what she says out loud when her brain overloads with thoughts. She can’t forget about the things she should have said and the things she should have kept to herself. All she really wants is a redo to curse people out when she felt powerless and bullied into dignified silence. She is usually up all night going over fake, triumphant speeches in her head. The way she would let them have it if she had to do it all again.
Deep down she feels silly for not jumping when she knew the ship was going under. The times she never listened to her intuition when it was begging her to be herself. The fake relationships kept up for appearances, her logic knew she should have left alone. However, she also has blame in it too. She stayed in the planned destruction, knowing the kinds of animals she was training. But see, she wanted to be entertained. She wanted things to report back to any gossiping hen that would listen.
She didn’t want to make a change because that would be too hard. Instead of letting go and getting on. She knew what to say and do in order to retell victimhood stories filled with unbeknownst deceit and betrayal to any blathering hen that would let her belt it out. It is ironic she is upset when the chaos goes her way. She is in denial, she is a foolish woman who always plays the victim; remember what I said about people who gladly walk in the fire? She’s the kind to let things burn, as long as she can cry on the news how she lost everything including her lighter.