The glares of self-doubt are hot and loud when you’re realizing that your role in a friendship/relationship, or as I like to say to shorten it up, “humans”, is performative without your knowledge or consent. The stares are dangerous when you catch on that you’re the running joke, clod—the one person in the group everyone else points to and whispers behind your back, “At least I am not that person.” As they smile and move on with the backhanded reassurance that they’re life is more put together than yours.
That kind of relationship is painful.
No one should foster a relationship where they’re looking down on a friend/lover/partner, ect. with the judgemental gaze of pity and disgust. It’s one thing to want the best for someone close to you, it’s another thing to demean someone based on shallow, subjective standards. For example, you may think your friend needs to act more refined in social settings, your friend, however, may think they’re okay with how they are around others. While you’re reminding them they need to check their attitude, they will grow to say you’re being way too judgemental. After a while, the friendship ends with a hard explanation it was more of a fight to retain independent personalities above anything else. Humanships are stronger when all parties are comfortable being themselves with a level of respect and understanding.
Easier said than done
Maybe the issue is that we are not “looking down” on them, but want them to live up to the person we know they once were, or can be. Either way, let them fail and figure themselves out. We can only lend a sympathetic ear, and the advice if asked for. There are layers and spectrums that fit in what is considered a “sympathetic ear” and “advice” depending on the group dynamic. The main point is to avoid beating someone’s spirit down for the sake of shaping them how you want them to act. No one is created in the sole image of another human being.
Oh, and donate to