I was uneasy getting into the car. The way the doors slammed behind us as we settled in did not sound like doors I would normally hear to signal that I was safely in the car. It was as if the car were bells toiling at my sealed fate. I told myself she made it clear that she was more interested in sparing my life than ending it; however, I was still thinking my life was going to be over. Again, I never see this woman until she wants to act out on her jealous rage.  This all knowing and all mighty ruler still gets insecure when prettier girls that are more vibrant came along to her awkward black tie affairs with their proud dates in tow. She had a standard habit of drinking way too much while sulking in a corner, lamenting about attraction privilege and colorism until her favorite dealer made his appearance and hooked her up with false promises at dirt cheap rates. Ironic she is the ruler to everyone, but still could not get her connect to show up on time, no matter what kind of threat she pulls out of her bad. I, however, am not her dealer, and I try to make myself small so others can make themselves look bigger to bears, so I do not know why she would find a reason to be envious of me.

After 45 minutes of complete silence, finally a crack. “You’re still scared, huh?” Moses lazily tilts her head towards me. I sat right up.

“Terrified.” I just felt if I had to go out now, at least I was going to go out being honest.

“You don’t think much of me do you?” As Moses is talking, she is dozing off. Therefore, I was wrong in thinking she was on any uppers.

“I think the world of my everlasting light dear—”. She halts me mid-sentence; she was not interested in the official motto every time she does an official visit or propaganda movie. Moses wanted me to lay it all on her, now.

“Well, I don’t know what to think…” I was stuttering. On one hand, I wanted to say it did not matter if I liked her or not, she already bought me from my parents; at this point,  admiration went out the window the second she signed the check. On the other hand, I wanted to tell her that she is stunning in person to the point that it’s distracting. The official photos do nothing for her, so her asking me what I thought is still absolutely pointless because it’s going to not feel like I’m telling her the truth.

Moses was clearly annoyed.  “Okay, well I know you’re not going to give me a straight answer, so let’s not speak.” I immediately sunk down into my seat as Moses reached in her purse and pulled out her drug kit. I just flat out told her that she’s beautiful in person. “You’re just saying because I am the ruler.” I shook my head, knowing she wasn’t going to believe me. I looked to see if the car partition was locked tight—it was, and the driver is blasting music—I huffed in my head this was going to be the longest three hours of me watching my ruler get high. I was thinking, ‘this is one of my official duties—great’. This was going to be a worse show than her dreadful press conference last year when she announced that new land was under her territory.

It was clear that she had been up for a couple of days doing drugs. When she came on live television looking like a cracked out, excavated mummy. It was hard to keep the shocks and whispers in the press room quite. One woman screamed in horror and asked if this was a zombie. She horribly waved her arms in the air as she yelled that Moses is destroying her looks. Before Moses opened her mouth, the woman rebuked her addiction and swan–dived out the 30-story window to screams so horrible, it made some people in the press room to pass out. That live show was the interesting, to say the least. It was the only time a citizen openly criticized Moses’s drug use. She sure paid the price with her life for doing something so courageous.

“Do you know what I am in charge of?” I did not think she was serious; she was bending down to snort a  line.

“79 Billion.” I was literal,  It was the population of all of the people under her rule. She ruled over 79 billion fearful souls.

“No, I mean you do know what I’m in charge of?” Moses’s voice was lower and nasally.

I shook my head.

Moses belted a condescending laugh. “I am in charge of the beast that dwells inside me, the woman that is too bold to stand out, but too afraid to be put out to the land. I am a shell who has no control over what she feels. This soul—is in charge of me.”

I wanted her to elaborate; I was confused in what she was talking about it was so devilish sounding as if a demon possessed her to take the answer lest Moses endure embarrassment by a vapid answer. I felt I was seeing once the soul leaves her body and another one enter as the road got extremity bumpy and Moses spilled her addiction all over the place. She did not seem too worried about this.

“Well, when I spill, usually it means we are half way.” Moses leaned excessively to reach over my head and pat me like a cat she’s afraid of. As the ride settled, Like clockwork, she reached in a secret case in front of her.

“What are you are trying to contain?” I politely inquired, but Moses did not hesitate to pretend she did not know what I was talking about.

“I didn’t say anything.” Moses is a professional at casual lying.

I nodded my head in agreeance.

“You’ll learn. ” She was blank in her voice. She jolted out of her trance and started to create a drug meal again.

I kept telling myself this was going to a long tenure.