I was standing out in the rain one day, I had forgotten my umbrella at home, so I was lamenting under the gray soggy skies of San Francisco ‘how can I do this on all days?’ As I was thinking of maybe calling a taxi, (Uber was not around at this time.) I was slushed in the face with a bright pink umbrella. As I swatted my face to regain clarity this sweet voice chirped, “I’m sorry, excuse me”. She was sorry, but I was too. I did not even think twice–I was instantly jealous of her. I was in envy of her slender frame, 4c hair and smooth brown skin. I was feeling mad at myself for being out, “looking like slop” when there were women like her walking around in the city, without a care in the world.  I got on the bus feeling as if life would have been easier if I was beautiful like everyone else.  “This is why you get what you get, because you don’t look like that.” I really tore myself down that day. It was all stemming from the destructive path: jealousy. I was feeling extremely jealous; everyone has something that I do not have. Even though everyone experiences it, Jealousy is destructive because it negatively affects your health, you lose touch with what is going on around you and most of all, and it gravely damages your relationship with friends and loved ones.


Mental Killer

A popular search engine states “the state or act of being jealous” defines jealousy. State sanctioned violence, although sadly, increasingly popular, always leads to poor health defects. Jealousy has a severe negative impact on your health as it invades your body like hapless mariners invading already found land.  When jealousy washes over your spirit, it manifest itself in a variety ways that negatively affects your mental health and which would also cause some to self-medicate with drugs, alcohol, or reckless human oriented choices.  Which also brings harm your physical health; it is harder to fight off colds as you hair wears thin.  Jealousy can also exacerbate mental illness. For example, a woman with depression can have a certain trigger to a situation that will have her feeling jealous. While the feeling of being jealous is fleeting, this woman’s battle with depression is not flight ready, and she is left mentally dealing with the residuals effects of the event that triggered her jealously as she copes strategically with her depression. Jealousy can also affect the world around you by processing information on how you should deal with yourself and others around you socially in a way that is not based on what is actually happening. Jealous feelings are not based on the reality of what is going on. It is as if everyone is on page three and you are not only on a different page, but  a completely different book.


The World Around You Changes

It is effortless to fall into the trap of shaping your outside world to fit with your inner dialog stemming from feeling jealous. You start seeing and reading into things that cannot transpire in any way.  Constantly acting on your jealous impulse will ruin the world around you because you seek to personalize the world around you in a manner that you think that everyone is doing something to “spite” you. This is completely disgraceful and wrong to yourself and humans around you.  Perception is like television. Let us say you and your friend are watching television. You two can be watching a a program together, but you are going to relate to the show in a different manner, yes, you may agree, disagree or come to blows with the topics of the program, but how you relate to the program is going to be different from your friend. That is what perception is like. Jealousy can ruin a T.V. show into something worse because you are acting rational toward the situation, but the emotion that you are feeling.  Acting on jealousy can even ruin your line of word due to the lack of focus and productivity that one is supposed to output for their place of business.  In Hollywood, if someone has more industry influence, and is insanely jealous of another person in the same industry, that person may have opportunity for the unsuspecting up and comer, blocked




Relationships Suffer

As you dissolve a friendship by operating under the guise of “that’s not my friend that is my competition.” the damage of jealous based thoughts and feelings will harm intimate relationships in a distasteful very as well. Like, say, you are at a party with your partner, an attractive coworker walks up to your partner, and they start chatting away. You may take this scenario and twist it to show it revealed a damaging self-fulfilling prophesy, “have a strong, true feeling” that your partner is cheating on you. This new revelation and thinking will leave the party like guest, and time wears on, you constantly question your partner’s interest and loyalty to the relationship, no matter how much reassuring they give you, no matter how much they remind you that and you’re the only person they see in their eyes, that will not be enough for you.  Each turn of his or her head while you two are out on a walk, each server that you know gives disproportionate cheerful disposition, each time someone smiles at your partner.  No matter what the “each” is, all of those reasons why you feel like you have no stability in your relationship. “Each” of those scenes of instability will bring in jealousy. That will have you breaking into phones, questioning, “Who is that?” to each person on the street and each person they get close to, controlling your partners aspects of life, as well as not feeling like you are loved in your relationship.

Eventually, the constant argument about situations that are not happening (or have not happened) will eventually wear thin and the relationship will end. Leaving you to not only fulfill one last terrible self-fulfilling prophesy based off jealousy, “you knew they were going to leave you for that…” alas, the lesson goes unnoticed and the jealousy is in tack to ruin the next relationship that may come you way.

There are ways you can learn to make the necessary changes to stop relying on jealousy.


Hold Up, There’s Hope

There are ways to help you control out of control jealous thoughts and patterns. One way is to note and observe your feelings and thoughts when you are feeling jealous. Like stated, everyone gets jealous, but the way it has manifested and controlled. You can keep a journal to write down your feelings. I would be a good idea to read over your journal to gain some insight when you are in a more objective headspace. It’s just best to recognize that you are feeling jealous and give yourself some space and time to work through your feelings, with ownership comes introspection. Also,  It is important to check your assumptions and beliefs about your jealousy, are they coming from a place that is of love, or sense of fleeting ownership? It’s hard to leave something you feel like you deserve, but you are doing a huge disservice to yourself if you allow jealousy to ruin your state of happiness and belonging.  Lastly, if you want more information or a safe space to talk about your feelings, seek guidance from a licensed therapist. A person trained to help others work through their issue is beneficial because you would be able to express your thoughts and feelings in a private safe setting with no judgments.

A good ear that you trust always helps too.

Don’t ever feel like you have to suffer alone.


Just to Review

Jealousy burn and break relationship as well as your health. While you can see your world crashing down as your eyes are turning green and you take exaggerated steps to claw for ownership. Remember that these feelings are temporary and based on assumptions that are misinterpreted. Always seek help if you are able to and it is safe for you to do so. No one has to feel they need to hold dear to relationships and a way of being in such a way, that it becomes a injurious to their existence due self-sabotage by reacting irrationally to a situation that didn’t call for it. No relationship is certain, and that is okay. What is certain is that you do not have to live with jealousy controlling your life.

Celebrate working on your jealousy!