I have been noticing a trend with my straight girlfriends, (guys too, but I do not care about them so much) whenever a person comes up to me to talk, flirt, dance, whatever the case may be. My friends have a negative analysis of what was of that conversation and why that guy came up to me.
“He’s super wasted, don’t waste your time.”
“He looks like a fuck boy, and he’s ugly.”
“He’s only going to use you as a fetish.”
“Guys will screw anything.”
“Why was he talking to you?”
Sometimes, it is not even a comment; it is a very weird gaze, as if they are seeing a ghost.
This usually comes with some unsought advice with what I SHOULD do with how I look. As if, they are speaking the sentiments of the masses. Because we are friends, “the masses” designated her to “let me down gently” in regards to something; I did not seek her opinion about.” Should” is the passive aggressive way to shame someone.
“I do make-up, so I can hook you up.”
“You should look up this YouTuber, They do make up for girls like you, and they have skin care tips.”
“What if you started to dress like…?”
“I want to see you with your hair…”
Now, when the shoe is on the other foot, and people are perusing the same girlfriends. Everyone around treats it like it is the natural way of things. It is a cause for continual celebration.
“Girl, these guys are always on you. You’re so pretty of course that would happen.”
“He’s wants it! Remember back in college when those two guys were fighting over you? It’s going to be like that all night tonight.”
“I’d let my boyfriend cheat me with you.”
I think there is much to be said about the narrowing beauty standards we hold ourselves and others to. To me, the concept of “beauty” is nothing more than a cheap contractual obligation to imitate what is considered “beautiful” from a personal marketing stance point.
It seems that you are only beautiful these days if you can slap a tutorial with it, and put it on social media.
Sometimes, I want to give my friend an endearing hug, and say “its okay, guys can be attracted to me without taking away from you, don’t cry, you still have more followers than I.” Only because some treat it like the ultimate insult to their looks and livelihood if a blue moon rises for a second time that year, and someone hits on me.
It is like how people who are used to a comedian in funny slapstick movies get confused and repulsed when that comedian takes on a dramatic romantic role. It does not sit well with some folks while they are looking at the movie screen. I see it like that for me when guys approach me around my girlfriends. They get confused, as if I am bound to this certain role and labels, because that is how they have defined me for so long. When I indirectly break away from that “stereotype”, it is weird for them.
It’s not to me though, it’s important to be multifaceted. I couldn’t imagine following a crowd just to be well liked…see?
Everyone is perfect to someone. Even You.
Everyone is ugly to someone. Even You.
It takes all kinds.
 By the way, I hate the word SHOULD when one is imposing unsolicited advice especially on some looks. In that case, “should” is the passive-aggressive way of shaming someone to meet your personal ideal.