Twenty Four: Thinking

Let Go


It time to let go now, it is time to wrap this all up, I think I’m going to be most sad about not being able to stand around and finish our conversations. That is going to be the worst of it.
The other week, I was at, what felt was my last high school party.  where someone is complaining that there are a bunch of high schoolers there, and me not knowing how we got there, only to follow the train of cars from jack in the box to the east side. I told myself that this was going to be a little sad, and that I should not get too drunk and to enjoy it. But going to miss not knowing where I am going only knowing that there will be a party there.

What I don’t think I’ll miss is the petty drama, they can keep it, a part of me is sad I never got to have a boyfriend, but a part of me is thinking that’s okay, because from where I was standing, which is on the outside most of the time, I never thought that looked fun. After three weeks, someone was always crying or deliberately being mean to another girl. All for the people around here. Weird, it is very weird.

I wonder what it would be like being a grown up.  if my scars would go away and will people be less mea? I was hearing this older lady talk on a cell phone and she said “it’s just like high school, all over again” I wonder what she meant by that? Like High School Drama, or standing in lines trying to sign up for things?

I wonder if it is true that people get fat first year in college, I think it has called the freshman 15. Is it a standard that everyone gets fat in college?

What is being fat anyway? Some people think they are fat, when they are not fat, and they are thin. It is weird.

It is weird what people think of their bodies and it is wired when it does not match up with what someone else sees. It is like what if you put your eyes on someone else. Would you see what they see or would you see what they see, but think what you think because you still have your brain.

You can be standing in front of 100000 people and fifty percent may think you’re the worst thing ever, and the other fifty percent may think you’re the best thing ever, with in that fifty percent that thinks you’re stunning, another ten percent of those people may think you’re perfect. The fifty that thinks you are ugly; ten percent of those people can think you are out right hideous. And you are just standing there, in the same room. It is what people see is differential the time.