Six: Talking Colors


The winter rally was magical for the few that actually put in the work to make it happen, for the few kids that showed up, I did not know we had so many dance teams, or it just seemed like many dance teams that we have. But I like when rallies are here, because it’s a shorter schedule and we get out sooner. I want to become more  But then there’s practice, so I have to scoot to that, but the waiting is forever.

I saw [crush] looking delicious today, that was like an early Christmas present. For the eyes.

I was not okay with lunch the other day. A bunch of whites at the island told me I talk like a white girl. This school is backwards.  And I don’t even really know them; I know them because JHova Members play different sports with them, I don’t like when people I don’t know, start making jokes about me like we are friends. They are friends of my friends that do not mean I am their friend. What good would that do for me to have friends like this?  I would not go out of my way to be grateful about them talking to me, I know that I suck but at least I don’t suck like that, these ones really suck, and they don’t know they suck, they think they’re cool, but the one thing I do know is that I’m not alone in thinking these people suck. So I was frustrated with that, because what do they expect black people to act like? And to talk like?

Even when some of the black kids say it, it is annoying because they talk just like me, too. That must mean they talk like a white girl too. Always saying its me when it’s also them, too. They love how I talk like a white girl when I can help them on their assignment, if they needed it, other than that, it’s an issue..

Every time someone tells me I talk white, it is usually coming from person that I am not fond of speaking, so I guess that makes us even. Just the other day, MoleCat said ‘you talk like a white girl’ and I looked at her. I did not say anything. She struggles with talking more than I do, so we don’t talk alike and I had PE with her so I can point out many more differences like hand/eye coordination and balance , but I’ll keep it short.  I was wondering what white girl she was referring to, because it couldn’t be anyone around here.  MoleCat comes across as a very desperate like an actor clinging on to her youth, she will say anything to make people think she funny and cool. She tries harder than I try and I try too hard.

I believe she is worse than GrouperFish, but then again I can get along with GrouperFish just fine, it is when MoleCat comes around sniffing for compliments and praises I do not like her. She changes into another noise box

I do not have another way of talking. I rather have them say things about the way I talk than the way I look. Because saying nothing says everything, sometimes, but if they can see you, they can tear you and I rather not have that.

Speaking of nothing, JuniorVarsity was talking to his friends, and I was listening, I did not belong in the conversation, but I was there. He told his friends he was going to come out for the track team.  I wanted to know why he wanted to go out and embarrass himself. I wish something changed about the no cut policy, but everyone deserves a fair chance.  Isn’t it weird to anyone that he is a senior flirting with freshman sometimes? I do not know if it is flirting, but I just feel uncomfortable when he is swishing his hips as he walks around. He is a weird person.

Many seniors drive nice cars at this school. It looks like a pretty parking lot some times, but today it is raining, so it seems like a wet, pretty parking lot. I can’t wait till I start driving, I’m not going to ever drive the freeways, those places are scary, and there is a lot of road to be converted,  plus people drive really fast, and I think you have to be a high school graduate to drive on the freeway, and I’m not there yet. That would have to take some time to do and I have to get use to driving on the streets first. There is no such thing as making it all happen in one day.

Winter break is going to be nice because Christmas comes up and that is going to be special. I do not know what I want yet, but I hope I can get my own laptop. That would be something I would want o chr Christmas.