Even if I tried, I could not define what would — like what do people consider art? What would be art? There is exotic transience bout-seeing art in nature, like with the sky dropping down to the tress, wrapping itself to the ground, entangling the foundation of the roots and soil. The change nature takes is a constant, chaotic, reforming explosion of nothing. Natural art, art in nature, whatever you want to call it, is special because it is not for the intention of design but sustainable symbiosis. Moreover, humans naturally seek out patterns and designs so we have a constant canvas in front of us at all times, and we can see art in pretty much anything we can look at, write, think, see— anything.
I am completely ruminating right now. Earlier I made a mistake. I did not even go back on it, I just said my mistake, and kept defending it. Not because I am carless in hurting others, but because I am so tunnel vision about my writings, when I get the courage to even get it out. I just think type. Not, “hey, how do you think, this may come off?” or even “Hey, maybe read that over, just once.” I think I should do the latter more, but then, I get into this completely new self-thing, about: Am I writing this, so I would get this specific reaction, ergo making the audience feel what I am not trying—. Like, the inner torment gets cliché. Making public blunders is not something I like doing. Still, I am having an issue with accepting my mistakes as a natural artful human process.
I make mistakes. Sometimes, I take it as a learning tool, but other times, like now, I am feeling like I am a very stupid person for the mistake I made and never engage again, less I look foolish. Now, my thing is why. As I see it. One side, I guess, I do not want to make myself seem like I am bowing down to some imagined entity that is looking for me to be sorry for being human. On the other hand, it may be a side of me that is so desperate to show people that I can handle my mistakes; I make tacky public showings about them (One could say, like this post, right.). Another hand in it is. Mistakes are spontaneous. We think without being aware that we are thinking, so in a sense it is natural, right. However, the only thing that is as a forest fire in my head is the ruminating and the thought that people are laughing at me and thinking I am stupid for even attempting to “come back” from making a mistake. Like, I always think that people are going to label me by that one mistake I made… However, again, I ask myself, what’s the point of this human, being myself thing if I don’t make mistakes, and what’s the point of learning if I don’t see my mistake?
Do not get me wrong, its’ important to be sorry, I think people should say sorry when they have offended someone personal space or intrinsic values. Of course, it can go deeper than that. However, I do not think I should say sorry when I have an opportunity to own up to my mistake. I could be wrong, sorry may work at times too. Who knows.
I don’t know where I should say this, but like, habitual mistakes, like cheating, lying, stealing, on top of being caught up in the same kind of mistakes over and over again, are not natural, they are learned. So, remember that. When saying mistakes, I am talking about me using the wrong words to convey my ideas. Not going out and being careless, I felt that that needed to be in somewhere, because these days, you never know…
Well going back to my brooding, mistakes are natural, like the patterns in nature, we are going to see it, and we are going to experience it. I have to say it is an art form when people can own up, and are open to correcting their mistake. Me, I am still learning, still planting. I have to learn how to stop taking things so personally to the soul, but that is taking some time. I feel like this is a civil war style reconstruction phase for me, I am going to have to let things build by structure and form and let nature cut in to dictate what takes shape in and around me.