I am having a hard time linking up my beauty ideals with the rest of the world’s. I do not feel I would be as obsessively studying it if I met the standard, like if I was “mainstream” beautiful. It is hard to write a detailed description of what that unspoken ideal is, it is like trying to describe joy, and it means too many things to too many people. The kind of beauty I am talking about transcends countries, colors, and statuses. Everyone has a select group of people that are held up as the ideal, then countless others closely mirroring that ideal, which is greatly acceptable and appreciated. I on this subject, do not. Therefore, I have to rely on tips and tricks, which still do not work.
Beauty is so subjective, I cannot fit in the ideal, it seems like everyone is so much better looking than I am. For every one person that has settled and said I was attractive (mainly, because they felt sorry for me) there are 160 other people that is telling that person to stop being so nice. Every time I state my claim into getting the courage to say I think I’m attractive to another person, I’m being told I’m wrong, and sometimes worse. Therefore, I recoil, and go back to thinking I am hideous, because it was wrong for me to get cocky in the first place.
It is hard to fit in, and it is like, I tried so hard for so long, and I am just tired. At this point, I just appreciate people who do fit the mainstream ideal of beauty. It is nice to see other people feel good about themselves. Even when I am hurting from being ignored, I still manage to pay one person a compliment. No one should ever feel the way I do sometimes, so it’s the only thing I found that helps with not meeting the standard.