I wish i can remember who i was being this petty towards. But oh well.
I wish to thank you for showing interest in having an open line of communication about maintaining a friendship with me. Unfortunately, I do not wish to have a friendship between us, as much as I wanted to, being realistic about what I have seen and been through with you, has made me decide in the end, we can support each other from a distance, not with a friendship.
I know we have not spoken about what happened in an objective light, I completely understand we never will, and that is fine, no use beating a dead horse, right?. As I think back, while trying to envision how a friendship will work between us, I look back at levels of respect and past behaviors between you and me. Sadly, by your actions and admissions, you shown and spoken to me as to you, I wasn’t a human being worth of respect and dignity, but more of a product at your disposal. You maintained inappropriate relations as you were less than honest about the propensity of your “friendships”, which you say you never cheated, but I do not think you were ever faithful (I believe, you were faithful for a period). You hiding me, It was as if you were wanted to maintain a certain image for whoever you wanted to impress (or wanted to remain single for). You kept breaking up with me when your friends from out of town/country would come visit you, and plus you regard our “relationship” with any level of respect, as you took other women out to be your dates for the day or evening. You were so open about showing on your social media about being married to another man “for fun”, yet you couldn’t bring yourself to be honest about being with me, who happened to be a different from you, or more honestly, who didn’t match up to what you thought the outside world would ‘approve’ of away from social media. Frankly, I question myself as why I am so willing to seek a rapport with you. You did not really enjoy having me around, I say that thorough your actions and your ending words, [you] “regretted ever meeting [me]”, what will make me think having a friendship with you will be better?
As much as I wanted to be your friend, I believe trust is important. If I ever have a chance at having a healthy outlook and esteem in life, I have put trust in myself. I have to be conscious about not being so desperate for people to like me and hanging around people who hurt me for the sake of not seeming like I want to fight all the time, stop selling myself short in order to make others feel good about them or me for that matter. More importantly, I have be more loving to myself. In addition, that means, not having people in my life that I have to keep desperately seeking approval from, (meaning no more “if I do/say/act this, then they will stop talking bad about/shunning me and include me”). I did that too much, and it brought be nothing but trouble. If I ever want peace with myself, I have to stop trying to find it in others.
I take complete responsibility of my actions and words towards the end. I knew better to stoop so low to a level that was unbecoming to me and say hurtful and mean things, that was never right. Yes, I thought having a friendship will make things better between us, but I would be a fool to think that would be adequate compensation for my actions. It is not. All I can do is say that I am sorry, and express my hurt over that situation.
All I want for you is to be in relationships and friendships that will make you feel good. Companionships that don’t make you feel the need you have to be dishonest about people in your life or, hide it, Someone you can stick it out with, and not constantly have to break up with, someone you can be proud of showing off to your friends and family. You deserve the best. I wish you success in your life and hope you succeed with little to no stress. I am excited to check what wonderful things you have done in the future from a distance. I truly wish you the best, you taught me a lot and I will always be grateful for our time together.
Thanks for your understanding, I truly appreciate it
PS: Again, I hope you do not find my letter to be in anger or a petty way to get back at you. If anything our relationship was a blessing, I came out of it knowing my worth, and I will never settle for less again because of falsely thinking that less was the best for me.